Getting Off During Sex – What, Why & How?
What do you consider sex? What are the first acts or go-to images that come into your brain when you think about sex, in all its forms? Is it penetrative sex? Oral? Butt stuff? Masturbation? Sex has different meanings to everyone and with that come different routes to orgasm!
Let’s Look at What
Sex and orgasms can be widely contrasting, depending on whose bedroom you’re in. Cosmo reported on thirteen women of all sexualities, asking them to describe how often they actually orgasm during sex. The list varied in response: some had rarely or never orgasmed from penetration, some during foreplay but not intercourse, and some had high success rates from PIV sex alone.
Clearly, orgasm frequency is situational and varies from person to person. Sad to report, only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during penetrative sex. This means that intercourse is not the key to women’s orgasms, no matter how long it lasts, no matter how the woman feels about the relationship, no matter the size of the penis going inside her.
It’s perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. The key to most women’s erotic pleasure comes not from the penis or penetration but rather from clitoral stimulation with hands, toys, mouths and the like.
Common misconceptions about female orgasms include that women need to be in love to have an orgasm or that women cannot orgasm due to psychological issues. While trauma, abuse, and relationship issues can make it more difficult to orgasm, people without such issues still have trouble doing so. And the orgasm is a psychological experience, as well as a biological wonder, so a person’s relationship with their partner may or may not have some effect.
Tips for How to Get Off During Sex
We all know that sex does not have to lead to orgasm to be pleasurable for both parties. There are plenty of reasons why vulva-owners don’t achieve orgasm: trauma, pain, hormonal imbalances, etc., so we’ve compiled some suggestions to make sex more enjoyable and, hey, maybe even get you to that O.
Tip #1: Use Lube
Are you aroused but not producing any natural lubricant? Why doesn’t your body seem to be in sync with your mind when you’re turned on? This phenomenon is called arousal non-concordance and it happens more often than you think. Do not be shy about whipping out that lube stash we all know you have! Getting comfortable and shameless about using lube during play sessions can enable you to initiate sex, stress-free!
Tip #2: Masturbate More
Find some time to be intentional while you masturbate. Start in a comfortable setting, run your fingers through your own hair and down the back of your neck. Undress your body like a lover would, and feel your hands glide over your skin, taking note of all the sensations you’re stirring up. Stop at those places that make you tingle and dive deeper into those feelings of pleasure. Get to know your body and your orgasm in a way that can potentially be translated into partnered sex.
Tip #3: Try all the Toys
Vibrators: cherished by many, loved by all (right???) Finger vibes, like the DiGiT, give you that clitoral stimulation you’ve been begging for during intercourse! Perfect for partnered sex, as it’s rumbly enough to get the job done and small enough to use in almost every position.
As for toys that both you & your partner can enjoy simultaneously, with dual motors (one for the penis and one for the vulva), PULSE DUO and PULSE DUO LUX both pack a punch. PULSE DUO LUX comes with two wrist-strap remotes so orgasms can be free-flowing without the need to find and press a tiny button in the midst of your play session.
Tip #4: Supercharge your Communication Skills
Educating your partner on what’s going to make you orgasm is a #1 pro tip for getting off during sex. Being able to comfortably voice when something doesn’t feel good is a tough cross to bear but SO WORTH IT in the end. Do you know what’s not going to get you to come? Compliant sex! Having healthy conversations about pleasure, pain, and fantasies, outside the bedroom, can make sex and orgasms so much easier to navigate in the moment.
Tip #5: Reinvent Playtime
Remember when you were a kid and you could play with little to no consequences? Consensual sex is like adult playtime! By taking the pressure off of yourself and your lover(s), you can drop into a new mode of exploration and trigger new pleasure receptors.
Using blindfolds and handcuffs can help focus solely on pleasure instead of other outside factors (i.e. bodyweight/shape, environment, time, etc). Orgasms don’t have to be the goal, however, they become way more achievable when inhibitions are thrown out the window, and you can enjoy pleasure and playtime more freely.
It’s Go Time!
Good ol’ P-I-V sex is the oldest trick in the book! But as we study more about women’s health and pleasure, we find that there are many more ways to get women those orgasms they deserve! Once you know how to get there, don’t be shy – share it with your partner! Shout it from the rooftops! Write it down so you don’t forget! You have the power to crown yourself queen of your sex life. Now go get it!