Why I’m Not Settling For OK Orgasms Anymore
14 September 2021
Orgasms are pretty great, right? But what about when they’re not?
I really shouldn’t complain. I’m a cis woman who usually has an easy time orgasming. I have an attentive partner who prioritizes my pleasure (one secret to a long marriage!), and I respond really well to clitoral stimulation.
However, I have two main complaints about the quality of my sex life. One is that I’ve never really been the sort of person to have multiple orgasms in a single session. The other, which has become more prevalent in recent months, is that sometimes I have a very disappointing orgasm. It comes on too quickly, doesn’t last long, and can even be uncomfortable.
And so, as we wait out the last months of the pandemic, my partner and I have been looking for ways to improve my orgasms, and thus our sex life. Because why shouldn’t every orgasm be a mind-blowing one?
This month, I’ve been exploring my G-Spot. Here’s what I discovered.
Clitoris vs. G-Spot
In recent years, society has finally turned its attention on pleasurable sex for people with vulvas. Most of this attention has been focused on the clitoris. In “heteronormative” sexual relationships where the focus is on P-in-V penetrative sex, it’s easy for either partner to stimulate the clit during the act. This can lead to some pretty satisfying sex with orgasms for both partners. Because of this, a lot of couples are content to leave things there.
Sure, the clit is great, but why don’t we pay more attention to the G-Spot?
For many years, researchers discounted the concept of the G-Spot. However, nowadays most experts not only agree that the G-Spot exists, but that G-Spot orgasms are often more powerful than clitoral orgasms. I decided to put that assertion to the test.
Me and My G-Spot
I’m no stranger to my G-Spot. I frequently visit it during my masturbation sessions, and my partner has gotten acquainted as well. I’d definitely noticed in the past that I tended to have a great orgasm from G-Spot stimulation, but until recently I hadn’t really given that idea much thought. Only when my clitoral orgasms started to really let me down did I turn some serious attention to the G-Spot.
In the past, I’ve primarily experienced G-Spot stimulation with my own fingers, my partner’s fingers, or occasionally my partner’s penis, if things lined up just right. I’d never tried a G-Spot vibrator. But if I was going to chase the best orgasm possible, I was going to need specialized equipment.
Hot Octopuss supplied me with a KURVE G-Spot vibrator for my research. I have a definite preference for toys with a soft tip, as I feel like they diffuse the vibrations in a very pleasant way. The size, shape, and texture of KURVE were pretty ideal for me and my vulva.
Because I was already familiar with my G-Spot, it was really easy to find it again with KURVE. From there, it was a matter of choosing the right combination of bass and treble for me. I have to admit, the first time I was so caught up in having a good time that I forgot there were also other pulse patterns to try; clearly, more experimentation would be necessary!
Did KURVE Change My Life?
After a few rounds of experimentation, I made some important discoveries:
- Fingers are great but a vibe is better. The orgasms I got from KURVE were universally toe-curlingly, blindingly good. “Still thinking about it the next day” good. “Maybe I should stop writing this article and go play with my KURVE for a bit” good. (Focus, Sophia! You’ve got a deadline!)
- It’s very fun to tease myself, easing KURVE on and off the edge of my G-Spot before centering it there when I’m ready to come.
- While KURVE is designed for the G-Spot, it felt nice on my clit too, which leads me to…
- Turns out the secret for me to have multiple orgasms is to switch between my G-Spot and clitoris. So far I’ve had incredible success by starting with my G-Spot, switching to my clit, and then going back to the G-Spot. That was, uhm, pretty mind-blowing.
I’m Not Settling Anymore and Neither Should You
Clitoral orgasms are fine. Sometimes they’re even great! But now that I’ve experienced how incredible a G-Spot orgasm can be, I’m never going back.
I have to admit, I’m a bit of a snob. Having had gourmet chocolate, I can no longer eat a cheap Hershey’s bar. Now that I’ve experienced single-origin loose leaf tea, I turn my nose up at the bagged stuff. And now that I’ve had three incredible orgasms in short succession, I’m not going to be content with one so-so orgasm.
If you’ve been tolerating mediocre orgasms because you felt it was the best you could expect, I encourage you to explore your G-Spot on your own and with your partner.
Getting to Know Your G-Spot
Maybe you’ve never explored your G-Spot before, or maybe you’ve not thought about it for a while. Either way, it’s time to put the focus on your pleasure. Let’s go exploring.
Give yourself time to explore. Personally, as a relatively private person, I preferred to play alone as I got to know my G-Spot better, but you could invite your partner to hold you or to masturbate alongside you if you prefer.
Turn yourself on, baby! You’ll want to be aroused and well-lubricated before you explore. Read some erotica, watch some porn, play with your tits, however you like to get in the mood.
First, gently find your G-Spot with your fingers. It’s generally 1-2” into your vagina, and will have a different texture than the surrounding area. I’ve seen it described as being like orange skin, spongy, walnut, or roof-of-the-mouth texture.
Start your exploration with your fingers; figure out whether you prefer soft or firm pressure, fast or slow strokes, pressing, tapping, swirling… You want to get an idea of what feels nice and what could be uncomfortable. A vibe like KURVE can be a little intense so you don’t want to just jump in.
You may find that you want one or more sessions just with your fingers, perhaps experimenting with both clitoral and G-Spot stimulation to see what leads to the best orgasm for you.
When you feel ready, turn on your KURVE or other toy of choice. I found using a generous amount of water-based lube made penetration more fun for me.
Repeat the exploration process — I recommend starting with a low setting of both treble and bass at the basic flat rhythm, and then adjusting as you go until you find the speed and rhythm that feels best to you.
Optional: invite your partner to the party. Now that you have an idea of what your G-Spot likes, you can share your findings with your partner and give them the opportunity to give you a mind-blowing orgasm. My partner has been eager to hear about my findings, and we’re looking forward to further research.