The EDGE Blog

Senior Sex 2020 Roundup

Ready for 2021 yet? At Hot Octopuss one of the highlights of 2020 was the launch of our Senior Sex Hub. Before we go racing into the new year, resident sexpert Joan Price gives a roundup of the most popular writings from the senior sex blog and advice column.

2020 is a year we want to forget, and I’m not going to make it worse by enumerating the reasons.

But one gloriously wonderful thing happened right here in 2020: Hot Octopuss launched its Senior Sex Hub . . .

. . . and created a wealth of information, ideas, tips, and answers to questions about sex and aging. Lest you be overwhelmed by all our great content, here’s what you’ll find by exploring

Our Senior Sex Blog is constantly updated with new content specifically for our age group. Our goal is to help you stay sexy as your body changes, understand how to rev up your erotic responsiveness (solo or partnered), and help you navigate relationships. We also give you peeks into the sex lives of others our age. Below is a sampling of some of our most popular 2020 posts. Click on the bold titles to be taken to the articles directly:

senior couple showing affection in park, woman stroking man's chest, smiling, face to face, post menopause sexArticle #1: How To Talk About Sex Toys With A Partner.

We call them “sex toys,” but vibrators and other pleasure stimulators are far more than “toys,” especially for seniors. They’re orgasm tools. For many of us who are staying sexual in older bodies, they’re a necessity for orgasm. But what happens if your partner says, “No. I should be enough for you. If you need a vibrator, there’s something wrong”?

Article #2: How Orgasms Change As You Get Older.

As we age, orgasms change, or they become more elusive. Arousal may require more time, effort, and stimulation. The things that used to get us to orgasm might not work reliably anymore. Our future is not doom and gloom, though. Orgasms can be richly satisfying with the right kind and amount of stimulation and an open mind, so let’s talk about how to achieve that.

Article #3: Learn About Responsive Desire.

“I just don’t feel desire anymore. I could go weeks, months without sex. What’s wrong with me?” If these words could have been yours, you’re not alone. Chances are, you’re talking about the waning of spontaneous desire. There’s another kind — responsive desire — and you access it differently. Understanding the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire may make all the difference in your sex life.

Article #4: Getting Started With BDSM: Older Person’s Guide.

What is BDSM, why can it potentially be of such great benefit to older people, and how should you go about getting started with BDSM when you’re a senior? M. Christian delves into how BDSM can become an enjoyable part of your sexual activities, no matter your age or experience. (See also BDSM Communication: Older Person’s Guide to BDSM, Part 2.)

Article #5: The Stonewall Generation: Interview With Jane Fleishman.

senior holding gay pride flag outdoors in wind The 1969 Stonewall Rebellion was the night that police raided a New York City gay bar and people resisted and rioted. I interview Jane Fleishman Ph.D., author of “The Stonewall Generation,” stories of people who were there, who are now elders, and people who were not there physically, but whose lives and sense of themselves were forever changed by that event.

These are just a few of the many useful and interesting blog posts published this year. Read more here.

Dear Joan” is a dynamic section of the Senior Sex Hub with your questions and my answers. Send me a question with a brief explanation, and I’m likely to answer it here. I answered 31 of your questions on a variety of topics in 2020. Here are a few:

senior couple in bed with man on top and woman looking slightly uncomfortableQuestion #1: Who Do I Believe: My Husband or His Penis?

My husband says he still desires me sexually, but his penis says otherwise. It takes a lot of oral sex to get him aroused, and even then, his erection doesn’t last long enough for sex.

Question #2: No Orgasm During Intercourse: Am I Deficient?

My friend with benefits is not interested in romance because I don’t have an orgasm during intercourse. He said he needs a woman who knows how to get off.

Question #3: Sex With ED After Prostate Surgery.

I have an amazing new partner who had his prostate removed due to cancer and no longer has erections. He believes he has nothing to offer me due to his ED after prostate surgery.

Question #4: Great Sex, But No Intercourse.

My wife and I have had no intercourse for years. About five years ago my wife’s vagina became so tight it was almost impossible to enter and uncomfortable for both of us.

Question #5: Loss Of Clitoral Orgasm.

I’m 65 and have had difficulty with clitoral orgasms all my adult life, but in the last six to seven months, it’s become almost impossible. Is it age? Is that normal? Can I do anything about it?

two smiling seniors nuzzle with foreheads pressed togetherQuestion #6: Man Suffocating From Lack of Intimacy.

I’m 68, married 40 years. This week I told my wife I was suffocating from years of lack of intimacy. Expecting me to forget about my sexuality is like asking me to stop breathing.

Question #7: Interfering Family Won’t Give Me Privacy.

I moved in with my daughter’s family during the pandemic to help with my grandchildren. I’d like to join online dating sites to flirt and have sexy conversations. But there’s no lock on my bedroom door and the adults and kids barge in, even when the door is closed.

Question #8: 77-Year-Old Man: Should I Marry A 30-Year-Old Woman?

She says she loves me. She believes she needs to be married as a life goal and for a feeling of security. The purpose of my question is not to hear all the warnings about online dating because I am aware of them.

I invite you to submit your own problem or concern at the “Ask Joan A Question” link. Check first to make sure I haven’t already answered a similar question. Be brief, but specific with pertinent details. Don’t worry, you won’t be identified in any way if we use your question.

What would you like to see in the Senior Sex Hub in 2021?

What topics do you hope we’ll address? What questions and concerns do you hope we’ll answer? I’d love to hear from you with your ideas. And if you love what we’re doing, tell me that, too!


Headshot of senior sexpert Joan Price, with a slight, alluring smile

Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She is the author of four books about sex and aging, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and her latest: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Her award-winning blog has been offering senior sex news, views, and sex toy reviews since 2005. At age 77, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex—partnered or solo. She is the co-creator of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex.” Find Joan at


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