Death Grip Masturbation And Other Search Stories ★
If you’ve never delved into Google Analytics for a sex website before, then you’ve not lived. Somewhere deep in the console which tells us boring yet important things (how many people read this blog, where people tend to come from to buy our awesome sex toys, etcetera) there is info that tells a much more interesting story. We’re talking here about the search terms that people use to visit our site.
Some are obvious: male sex toys, guybrators, that kind of thing. Others? Not quite so obvious, but definitely fun! Let’s dig into some of the search terms people use to get to this website, and see if we can’t answer some frequently (and not-so-frequently) asked questions.
How to have a hands-free orgasm
We know there are plenty of wankers out there keen to be able to have a hands-free orgasm: it’s one of the main reasons we invented PULSE, and still one of the top reasons people love it. Whether you have mobility issues that make it difficult for you to grip a traditional masturbation sleeve, or you just want both of your hands free to do other things, the fact that PULSE lets you masturbate hands-free is clearly drawing a lot of searchers to our site.
In the mix we get lots of searches for ‘hands free ejaculation’ and ‘how to cum hands free’ as well as the less-common variations. Our favourite so far?
‘How to nut without hands.’
Top tip: the word ‘nut’, when used as a verb, may mean ‘orgasm’ if you’re in the U.S., but means something very different in Glasgow.
You know, there really should be an actual competition for this – the Masturbation Olympics. Last year we teamed up with the fab blogger DaveyWavey, and he challenged three of his friends to try and become the World’s Fastest Wanker. We gave them each a PULSE, set the stopwatch, and videoed the results.
Want to take part? All you need is a PULSE III SOLO and a healthy dollop of competitive spirit.
Death grip masturbation
Ah, one of the perennial problems for wankers everywhere: the death grip. This phrase essentially refers to the practice of masturbating with a really tight choke-hold on your penis. Sure, it feels awesome, but it also leads many men to worry that their penis won’t be sensitive enough to enjoy the subtler sensations enjoyed elsewhere – from hand-jobs or oral with other partners to penetrative sex.
OK, this one’s partly our fault – we once wrote about some of the sexiest horror movie sex scenes, and it seems to have struck a chord with people. There are lots of people searching for ‘horror movie sex scenes’ or ‘horror sex.’ Clearly lots of you spent your youth snuggling up to a sexy partner during the scary moments in movies like Scream.
Toilet roll sex toy
We’re into potential penis-injury territory here. DIY sex toys are popular – in search and in real life – because understandably no one is made of money, and humans are almost limitlessly creative when it comes to their genitals.
We probably don’t need to tell you that making your own DIY sex toys is usually a bad idea. There’s a reason we use high-quality silicone to make sex toys like PULSE, and there’s also a reason why so many accident and emergency departments have their share of DIY sex toy horror stories. Before you sit down to Google ‘toilet roll sex toy’ – or any variation of homemade sex toys – ask yourself a question: is it worth risking injury? Or infection? If the answer is ‘no’, then how about taking a MoneySavingExpert approach to your masturbation and sex life: each time you masturbate, put a pound (or a dollar) in a jar. That’s your sex toy savings fund. When you’ve gathered enough coins or bills in the jar, treat yourself to a sex toy that’s both safer and more pleasurable than anything you could make in your kitchen at home.
Sex searches, not stigma
Sometimes seeing people’s searches can be a bit worrying – if they’re looking for stuff we know might be dangerous for them or unhealthy. But that doesn’t mean that the searches and questions themselves aren’t important: one of the main reasons we write this blog is because we’re keen to educate people on aspects of masturbation and sexuality that they may not have been taught at school. From top wanking tips to debunking myths about sex toys… and giving them a steer away from dangerous things like making DIY sex toys at home.
Hopefully you’ve found some of the answers to these questions enlightening – and if there are burning questions that haven’t been answered on the blog yet, we’re always up for blog suggestions in the comments. The most important thing is to be able to talk about sex in an honest, straightforward way – without stigma or shame.