For most guys the way you orgasm, as well as the ease or strength of it, can change significantly over the years. At nineteen you may have been able to have an orgasm so powerful you punched holes in the drywall, but as you age there are lots of things that can affect the quantity and intensity of your orgasms.
We’ve collected our top tips all in one place to help you reclaim your orgasm – and have the best solo sex of your life.
Sex advice columnist Dan Savage – who writes the excellent Savage Love column – has long been advocating that guys lose the ‘death grip’. When you’re masturbating manually, it can be tempting to squeeze nice and hard, and keep your hand tight around your shaft. Naturally, if you feel that elusive hot orgasm escapes you, squeezing even harder often seems like a good way to go.
However, this ‘death grip’ – OK, not the sexiest term for it – can mean that you get used to that particular sensation, so orgasms you get in other ways (via sex or blow jobs for instance) are either disappointing or totally absent.
Try challenging yourself to masturbate with lube, or softer hands – use your fingers to stimulate the sensitive head, rather than your whole hand. It will take longer, sure, because it’s not what you’re used to, but testing different masturbation techniques gives you a broader experience of sensitivity. Think of it like a balanced diet: pizza’s awesome, but if you ate it every day you’d soon forget how to cook an amazing roast. Mix it up for the most fun.
Alongside all the different manual techniques, sex toys can help you achieve new kinds of hot orgasm. Hand-held masturbation sheaths can help you combat the ‘death grip’ – ones with a plastic shell or rigid structure on the outside mean you can’t cheat by squeezing ever tighter. But if what you’re after is a genuinely new sensation – one which pushes the boundaries of orgasms you’ve had before, then vibrations are your friend.
PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL is a new kind of male masturbator – unlike anything else on the market it uses oscillating vibrations that rumble through your head and shaft. Check out our tips on how to get the most out of your PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL, and work through the different vibration settings to fine-tune your orgasmic experience.
If you’ve never done prostate play before, then prostate massagers are also well worth exploring. Vibrations which perfectly stimulate your prostate combine with a wonderful feeling of being stretched and full to give you a hot orgasm like no other. And if you can’t get enough of the amazing vibrations, try combining a prostate massager with a PULSE SOLO ESSENTIAL for a mind-blowing experience.
Yeah, this one doesn’t sound too sexy, but there are many different medications and health conditions that can affect your ability to orgasm? From anti-depressants that cause problems with ejaculation to medication for circulation issues.
But we’re no doctors, so if you’ve noticed recent changes in your ability to orgasm or get erect, talk to your GP about your concerns.
Often we get so bogged down in the desire to have a hot orgasm that we become a bit single-minded about the whole thing. This single-mindedness can be even more prevalent in guys, because as a general rule the refractory period – where male climax needs to be followed by a bit of a rest to get your energy and erection back – means the end of any sexual interaction. It shouldn’t, of course, but that’s a story for another day!
What we’re getting at here, though, is that you should take your mind off ‘having a hot orgasm’ as the goal, and focus instead on the pre-orgasm sensations. It sounds a bit counter-intuitive to say ‘get a better orgasm by not trying to have a better orgasm’ but relieving the pressure on yourself to perform is a very valuable thing.
Set aside some time to masturbate and give yourself the specific goal of not coming. Pick your favourite porn, lock the door if you have housemates, and get down to it. Tell yourself you’re not allowed to come for half an hour (or an hour if you have lots of stamina). If you want to edge (bringing yourself close to a hot orgasm but stopping at the last minute) that works well too.
You can even gamify the experience using videos like the ‘Cock Hero’ series (that link is definitely NSFW!). Cock Hero is a bit like guitar hero, with a beat counter at the bottom of the screen, except instead of music videos the screen shows porn and instead of a guitar you’re strumming your cock. The effect of playing these kinds of games is that you continually build to orgasm but hold yourself back at the last minute. You get the double-benefit of a longer period of time with which to experiment with different sensations, and a much more powerful orgasm once you let go.