No Erection, How to Get Frisky?

By Joan Price | 17 January 2022

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Joan Price


Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She is the author of four books about sex and aging, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and her latest: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Her award-winning blog has been offering senior sex news, views, and sex toy reviews since 2005. At age 76, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex—partnered or solo. She is the co-creator of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex”. Find Joan at

"I am a two-time prostate cancer survivor since 2005. I am unable to get an erection even with a variety of products. Sex with my wife has for the most part been nonexistent. She has health issues as well. Recently we have started getting frisky again, and I am seeking out toys that would give both her and me that pleasure. I have been thinking about a strap-on but have no idea how to choose. Can you help?"

Joan answers:

Yes, a strap-on would enable you to experience penetrative sex with your wife using a dildo in a harness. There are several types of harnesses designed for that purpose. Consider Deuce by SpareParts which has two holes — one for the dildo and one for your penis — so that you have the pleasure of rubbing your penis against your wife’s body while she is penetrated by the dildo.

Ask your wife to choose the dildo. There are hundreds of dildos of different lengths, thicknesses, and styles. You may think she’ll want the biggest and most phallic looking, but she might prefer shorter, slimmer, and sleeker for comfort. If your closest sex toy retailer is open for in-store purchases, visit to compare dildos. If it’s not open, or you don’t know retailers near you, compare online.

Duplicating intercourse isn’t the only option. Since your wife also has health issues, talk to her about whether she might prefer non-penetrative sexual attention. How does she orgasm most easily and with most pleasure? She might find oral, manual, or vibrator sex directed at the clitoris most enjoyable.

I hope you know that you can have orgasms without an erection and without ejaculation. Enjoy orgasms using the PULSE SOLO LUX or the JETT, which don’t require erections. Explore what brings the two of you the most pleasure, which might or might not be strap-on sex.


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