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How To Buy A Sex Toy For Your Partner

13 September 2021

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The holiday season is pretty much here, which means now more than ever we’ll be leaning into our other halves for support.

Your sex life can exacerbate the situation or become a shelter in place for the storm.

Give your sex life a tune-up before holiday madness hits with full force. Sex toys can be great, thoughtful gifts that will benefit your partner (and potentially you) mentally and physically.

Before pulling the trigger, consider these:

Talk about it

Pretty much 100% necessary when considering a gift of this nature. Unless you know that they’ll like anything (unlikely), you’ll want to have an a-ok from them before you buy. If you’ve never used toys together, bring it up in a suggestive, non-confrontational way. Sharing pleasure can bring you closer together and ignite some new sparks in your sex life, so be mindful of that when you start the conversation! If you’ve shared experiences with toys in the past, get them talking about what they liked and didn’t like.

Ask the right questions

What style is right for your partner? For a vulva-owner, it could be a dildo, bullet vibe, or a g-spot stimulator. For a penis-owner, it could be a cock ring, a prostate toy, or a vibrating sleeve. If they don’t like buzzy, surface vibrators and prefer a more deep, rumbly sensation, the AMO or DiGiT might suit their fancy.

Would lube make this a better experience? (Hint: the answer is YES.) Lube makes any sex toy significantly more fun to play with, so don’t opt-out of this bedside necessity. Is bigger always better? (Hint: the answer is NO.) Start small and you can always work your way up.

Do some online shopping together

Unfortunately, right now, the days of sex store date nights are on hold. While you’re sitting inside scrolling next to your partner, peruse some online stores and compare what you both find interesting.

Make a game out of it! Both partners can pull up an online store and each find a product that piques their interest. Agree to swap phones with the other person and share what you like about the toy. Remember, no judgements here!

Watch sex toy reviews together

Almost every major sex toy brand on the market has bloggers reviewing their most popular products. If you want some honest, real opinions about the toy you’re going to invest in, you can probably find reviews somewhere on the web. Online reviews can offer more in-depth insight into the user experience, that usually aren’t covered on basic product pages. Share product review videos with your partner like you share those memes – shamelessly! Here’s a fun, informative couple’s review of the Pulse Duo Lux to get you started.

Make lists

Ask your partner to make a list of their top ten toy selections, as if money wasn’t an issue. This is can get you a sneak peek into their wildest sex toy dreams and maybe even trigger a sexy conversation about new desires in bed. Of course, you shouldn’t be obligated to get them the most expensive toy on their list, but once you know what they like, you can shop around for options to best suit their needs.

Some What Ifs

#1 What if they don’t know what they like?

There are plenty of educational websites, articles, videos to help you & your partner find out what they like. has over 60 short videos, 12 touchable stimulations, and tons of infographics on how to pleasure the vulva. You can make a night of it and make your way through the series together while intermittently trying out the techniques. Or they can watch it on their own and report back on their findings!

#2 What if they’ve done it all?

So, they might already have an extensive treasure chest of dildos and vibrators. Try out a couple’s toy. The PULSE DUO LUX has dual remote controls to adjust your motor AND theirs. If that doesn’t sound appealing, you can offer a new piece of sex furniture (swings, chairs, or wedges) to add to your playroom.

#3 What if they don’t like it?

Welp, at least you tried! Not all toys are created equal, so what might look and sound like a toy you want to play with, might not be your partner’s cup of tea. It might make a great Christmas tree ornament or an addition to a mixed media quarantine art project! But really, you probably increased your trust, communication, and closeness as a couple, as well as had fun by trying new things and getting out of autopilot! That’s a win in and of itself. At least you can add something to the list of what they don’t like and keep truckin’ on to find out what they do!


Sex toys can make great gifts for the holidays. It’s fun, personable, and it can bring you closer to your partner! It can open new doors and get some healthy conversation going around an otherwise potentially uncomfortable topic. What have you got to lose?!

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