Ask Zentai: How do I come out as a chastity bottom?

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Dear Zentai,

How do I make known my status as a submissive omega chastity bottom? I love being the last on the list with a tiny nubbed dicklet. But how do I accept myself enough to reveal my truth in public?

– Omega Dicklet

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Hey Omega Dicklet, This question makes me warm and fuzzy inside! I love that you’re honoring your identity and seeking ways to celebrate it.

The best way to go about self-acceptance is to engage yourself with a community of people who are actively celebrating their kinks.

This is why FetLife is so helpful. Just by reading and observing other folks who are fumbling, exploring, and living the lifestyle, you’ll gain a broader sense of the acceptance and integration that’s possible.

On a deep level, we all have some reckoning to do with the Calvinist root rot that most Americans have inherited (I call it the “Puritanical Pestilence”) which takes things like watching “The Witch” and going to public dungeons to remedy.

But then there’s how you live your life out in the open, which varies wildly from person to person.

Some people never truly come out to the people in their immediate surroundings, for fear of getting fired, losing custody of their children, or becoming estranged from their communities. Others swing to the far side, becoming risque personalities with a “take it or leave it” disclaimer. And many of us are in the middle: we don’t come out to blood relatives, but good friends have an idea that we’re freaky. Still, it’s only others who go to play parties or in some way ascribe to BDSM culture that know our proclivities, to various nuanced degrees of detail.

On another note – listen to podcasts, all night, all day.

Savage Love of course is a good place to start for basics. Off The Cuffs is my personal favorite for gender-inclusive, taboo kink. And Cocktails & Confessions will give you the full bore celebration of raunchiness, and just how OK it can be in a specified setting.

The more you’re around the true-blue motley community of kinksters (disabled, fat, old, neurodiverse, trans, queer, etc.) the more you’ll gain a sense of just how fucking OK we can be, and what a safe space actually feels like. In the future-future, definitely get yourself to a BDSM conference such as KinkFest.

Let’s talk a lot more about one of my favorite topics: Fetlife.

You can select a number of identifying labels to be displayed with your avatar. You can also add fetishes to your profile, which will enable you to see other folks who share the same interests.

BUT THE BEST PART ABOUT FETLIFE IS THE GROUPS! Some groups are quite educational, some are more social, and still others are purely for personal ads. Read the rules carefully before posting as the codes of conduct are taken very seriously (aka don’t post a personal ad in a group that forbids them, etc.)

I took the liberty of searching for degradation, humiliation, and chastity, and here’s the best of what I came up with.

Extreme Humiliation & Degradation (a treasure trove of lifestyle ideas)

Small Penis Humiliation (lots of conversations & rule #3: NEVER treat women as fetish dispensers)

Humiliate and Degrade Fuckpig Whores (post your pic here and folks will leave degrading comments!)

Enforced Chastity (lots of keyholders, includes reviews of chastity devices)

Humiliation Nation (probably a good place to make friends in the scene)

Subs without D’s personal ads (very busy place for personals)

One more thing: the cuckholds personals group has a super helpful thread on how to write a good ad.

The best way to start coming out IRL would be by attending kink events.

Seek out BDSM education centers and take some classes, go to some munches, and start attending parties. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t find someone to play with at your first play party. (Or like me, your first three years of parties.) It’s valuable to take your time getting to know the community and coming out in a space that is welcoming of your identity.

As you get more clear on your role and the way you can integrate that in muggle world you can begin do so mindfully.

For many pups it means wearing a day collar while they’re at work. For littles, it might mean keeping a stuffed animal in their bag. And for submissive omega chastity bottoms? It might mean having a cock cage tattooed on your arm (while of course, actually wearing one.) But it’s up to your imagination and creativity to decide what feels right for you.

Queer folks are luckier in that gay bars are often very welcoming of kinky identities. If you have a chance to check out a gay/leather bar during a social night, you’re likely to have a blissful experience flagging all matters of freakiness.

But if you’re straight . . . most of the personal ads and play parties cater to you, so get out there and find someone to call you puny!

OMG this turned into a blog instead of a casual email. Anywho, you’re great, people who don’t understand that suck, and practice coming out in places where you won’t get arrested.

– Zentai