Anal Sex For Beginners

20 September 2021

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So you think you want it in your butt.

Newsflash: lots of people do!

Because it’s fun and different and a little taboo. Which makes it all the more sexy to play with! Anal sex is (and should be) enjoyed by people of all genders. There are over 20 nerve-endings in the anus and about 16 hot spots. So that means plenty of chances for pleasure! Regardless of anatomy, it can be a huge mental turn-on and cathartic release. If butt stuff is uncharted territory for you, we’re here to walk you right through it.

The Etiquette of Anal Sex

If you’re looking to just shove anything phallic into a butthole, with little to no consequences, this section may not be for you. For those of you wanting to take care of your partner and communicate properly while having some booty-blasting fun, look no further! Anal etiquette the key to an experience that’ll have you coming back for more!

Cleaning Out

The cleaning of the butt is a good idea before you get started playing. Anal douche bulbs, enema bag (only partially full!), and disposable enemas work well to get any unwanted debris out of the anal canal. Cleaning this way is not completely necessary but it is the most surefire way to feel confident before diving in. (Pro-tip: check with a well-lubed toy after cleaning out, to both ensure all the water’s gone and that you’ve gotten everything squeaky clean.)

No Surprises

The top should not surprise the bottom – any anal play should be planned in advance or at the very least talked about beforehand. The top should take the bottom’s pleasure into consideration and warm them up with fingers first.

Foreplay is Ideal

Pay attention to their other bells and whistles while engaging in anal – try twisting your partner’s nipples or kissing their shoulders while wooing the butt. Power play can sometimes put a bottom at ease, so get out the straps and blindfold if they’d like those to be incorporated as well.

Don’t Skimp on the Lube!

Unlike some other lovely orifices, the ass is not self-lubricating so lube, lube, lube, and more lube. If you think you have enough, you’ll probably need more. Lube makes everything better when it comes to butt stuff, so have some at the ready when starting to play. Many people find that thicker lube is preferable for anal escapades. Make sure you get it in the booty as well as on whatever you’re putting in there.

Common Concerns of Anal Sex

The most common concern when talking butt stuff is, well – poop! We said it! There are many ways to avoid having to clean up a mess before, during and after you decide to put something in your butt. Hint: have some towels handy and give an enema a try.

Next up on the concern list is discomfort

Plenty of folx have tried butt stuff without much knowledge of the best way to go about it, leaving a bad taste in the persons’ mouth. Contrary to popular belief, you shouldn’t go from zero to fisting in a matter of minutes. The booty hole needs time to warm up – with fingers, butt plugs, maybe even a small dildo. Warming up is crucial to finding pleasure in the anus, so set aside a good 20-30 minutes to get the juices a’flowing and the asshole a’dialating. That being said said a vibrating butt plug can speed things up a little and make the 'hole' experience a little more stimulating.

Breaking the butthole isn’t as likely as you fear

But while (just like vaginas/front holes) the anus can appear to gape during penetration, it will return to its normal size shortly after sex. People put fists and butt plugs the size of footballs in there, so a dick isn’t anything to worry about! It’s all about timing – take your time going in AND going out.

UTIs are a common concern when it comes to butt stuff

No ass to vag, please! Or if you do (because it’s kinda hot) make sure you swap condoms in between holes. The same goes for using vibrators back there (trust, it’s amazing.) Condoms are your friend!

But How Do I Communicate About Butt Stuff?

A healthy conversation around your wants and needs in the bedroom is essential to getting what you want out of a sexual experience. For some vulva-owners, a conversation around butt stuff has some stigma around it or has never happened at all. A surprise entrance into the anus has rendered anything anal into the no-go zone and the conversation stops there. For penis-owners, the taboo around butt play has some unwanted stereotypes attached to it. Butt remember, everyone has an anus, there’s lots of pleasure to come from it and absolutely no shame in that!

Bringing it up with your partner can prove difficult so keeping some key phrases at the ready when you bring it up might ease your mind, “I want to try this, but we need to go slow”, “I need reassurance that we’ll be safe”, “Let’s do it with the lights off”, “Promise you won’t laugh if something goes wrong”.

Listening to podcasts and watching YouTube videos can aid in your discussion as well. Finding verbiage or phrases that you relate to assists in making the partnered conversation an easier one.

Closing Thoughts On The Back Door

Anal sex opens the floodgates to a whole new world of sensations. Remember to practice on your own, use plenty of lube, and when you are playing as a couple, let the slower/shyer one set the pace.

Did this article inspire you to try something new or have a constructive conversation with your boo? We want to hear all about it! Send your story to for a chance to be featured (anonymously) in an upcoming article. Until next time, happy tails!

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