Question:
My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer and had a prostatectomy 10 years ago that resulted in an inability to have erections, and his anti-testosterone treatment has also severely reduced his libido. He can occasionally achieve an orgasm with vigorous masturbation, and so I have wondered if a Pulse Duo might be something we could both play with?
A: I’m really sorry you and your husband are navigating this. Unfortunately, the effects of prostate cancer, surgery and anti-testosterone treatment can seriously impact erections, libido and even self-confidence. It’s completely understandable to be looking for ways to stay connected and explore pleasure together.
The fact that your husband can still occasionally orgasm with stimulation is great, and yes, a toy like the Pulse Duo may be a great option for helping to stimulate the penis. The Pusle range can offer pleasurable stimulation that some people find helps them reach orgasm, even without an erection present, and it also allows you to be actively involved by exploring and sharing the experience together.
What I would gently encourage is exploring ways to move away from an orgasm and being more present with touch, sensation and also closeness. If the goal is always to achieve an orgasm, you may be creating pressure when the goal should be to enjoy sex in many different forms, orgasm or not, especially as your husband's body continues to change through this new chapter of your life.
Shifting the focus away from performance and back towards mutual pleasure, exploration and thinking outside the box can be both emotionally and physically affirming during this chapter of your life. Sex may look different for both of you now, but that doesn't mean you cannot find new ways to touch and have fun.
April Maria (Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach)
