Question:

Do you have any advice for men who take a long time to orgasm?

A: Taking a long time to orgasm can sometimes feel frustrating and confusing, especially when that feels like a natural part of the process of sex. If you feel this has been a recent change for you, I would explore what might be going on with a healthcare provider to rule out any physical changes in your body. 

In the meantime, here are a few things I would suggest exploring...

Most important! Check medications and physical factors with a Doctor. Antidepressants, new medications, alcohol, neurological conditions and hormonal or health factors can impact how our bodies respond during sex, especially around desire and arousal. I would recommend having a conversation with your Doctor to have some initial health checks.

Take orgasm off the table for a while.

The more someone feels they need to finish, the harder orgasm can become. When we set ourselves goals and expectations around sex, we can often feel the need to perform rather than focusing on pleasure, our bodies and what actually feels good and helps us orgasm. Unfortunately, things like performance anxiety, distractions, stress, difficulty letting go or feeling like you have to "perform" can make orgasm harder.

Look at your current masturbation habits.

If you're used to a very specific pressure, speed, grip or type of stimulation when masturbating, partnered sex may not provide the same sensation and outcome. Start by experimenting with different techniques during solo masturbation to help broaden what your body's response to touch is.

Increase the stimulation you actually enjoy.

Penetration alone may not provide enough stimulation for you, and that's ok. Hands, oral sex, toys, fantasy or different positions can all be incorporated into partnered sex and even solo sex. Explore what might need to be introduced or even removed to help your body and mind feel more at ease.

Most importantly, taking longer to orgasm isn't automatically a problem. If you're enjoying sex and neither you nor your partner is distressed by it, there doesn't necessarily need to be anything to "fix." If it's a new change, happens consistently, or is causing distress, speaking with a Doctor, sexual-health professional or psychosexual therapist can help identify what might be contributing.