Years No Intercourse - Will it Hurt

By Joan Price | 18 January 2022

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Joan Price

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Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She is the author of four books about sex and aging, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and her latest: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Her award-winning blog has been offering senior sex news, views, and sex toy reviews since 2005. At age 76, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex—partnered or solo. She is the co-creator of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex”. Find Joan at https://joanprice.com.

"I was in a sexless marriage for close to 15 of our 19 years together. I divorced last year and now have a wonderful new partner. I have a prolapsed vagina. I can orgasm, but it usually takes a while. My vagina is tight, and my new partner is pretty big. We want to have intercourse soon. I am worried about it hurting and not being able to fit it all in. Any suggestions on exercises I can do, tools or lubrications we can use?"

"After more than 15 years of no intercourse, will it hurt and what can I do that will help?"

Joan answers:

First, explore all the non-penetrative ways you and your partner can bring each other to orgasm, using hands, mouth, vibrators. It’s a natural part of aging that you’ll reach orgasm more slowly, and using a vibrator will speed up orgasm. After years of no intercourse, if at first it is not comfortable, pleasurable, or possible, go back to a non-penetrative choice. Think of intercourse as one path to pleasure, not a goal with a timeline.

The best resource for preparing your vagina for intercourse is the Vaginal Renewal Program from A Woman’s Touch. This is a step-by-step program useful to repair vaginal atrophy. A Woman’s Touch also makes the insertable FeMani®Vibrating Massage Wand in different sizes to use with the program.

The National Association for Continence suggests that the best sexual position for pelvic organ prolapse is modified missionary, with you on your back with a pillow under your pelvis. Avoid positions where you’re on top.

Intercourse will not make your vaginal prolapse worse. In most cases, it does not limit sexual activity and enjoyment, as long as you use plenty of good quality lubricant. But my answer cannot substitute for medical advice, so please bring this question to your doctor, who can examine you and advise.

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