Sydney’s quite seductive, and Tokyo can be tantalising, but we think London is the sexiest city in the world. Don’t believe us? Here is cast-iron proof that London should be named the world’s sexiest capital city…
Rude Street Names
From the base of Cock Lane in the city to the tip of Bellenden Road in Peckham, London’s rude street names are surely world class. If you’re here for a visit, why not pop over to Helmet Road in Old Street. From there it’s just a 25 minute walk to Cumming Street in Islington.
Check out all the rude street names compiled by the playful writers at Londonist.
The Piccadilly Line
Because no one – NO ONE – has resisted the urge to giggle when the tube announcer tells you this train terminates at Cockfosters.
London plays host to the UK’s biggest conference for sex bloggers, erotic writers, and smut-creators of all kinds. Held in Camden in March each year, Eroticon provides inspiration for brand new writers and old-hands alike. And we’re there, which makes it at least 57.3% sexier (we did the maths).
Home of PULSE
While we’re on the topic of Camden, that magical London borough also happens to be the birthplace of our company, and amazing masturbation machine PULSE. Naturally, it’s also why we are extremely biased when it comes to judging the relative sexiness of cities.
Erotic magazine The Amorist is running an alternative election night to highlight the sexier side of politics, and as part of its event it is holding a vote for the UK’s sexiest MP. We’re not saying he’s definitely going to win, but dreamy-eyed Streatham-based MP Chuka Umunna is surely odds-on favourite.
If you’re tempted to visit London for a dirty weekend, we can also provide you with some deeply sexy hotels. From the BetterThanABed BnB (which comes with all the kinky dungeon equipment your horny heart desires) to dramatic rooftop hot-tub suites at the Bermondsey Square Hotel. Having sex in a jacuzzi while the sun sets over the London eye? Don’t mind if we do…
Fetish clubs and events
For those who want to pick up a new punishment implement (try saying that ten times quickly) there’s the London Alternative Market on the first Sunday of every month, followed by an afterparty where you can try out your new purchases. London is also home to Torture Garden, which claims to be the largest fetish club in the world, as well as many other adult nights out that cater to every fetish, whim, and kink you could dream of.
If you’re here mid-July Recon’s London’s Fetish Week will play host to a number of special club nights and parties for gay men who are into all kinds of delicious kinks. And the London Fetish Weekend in October offers Rubber Balls, Kinky Cocktails and more.
Not to brag, but some of the sexiest people who have ever lived happen to have been born in London. From classical beauty Elizabeth Taylor to supermodel Kate Moss and dreamy hunk Idris Elba. We’re not saying that if you swipe right on a Londoner you’ll definitely shag a film star of the future, just that your chances here are surely better than they would be in Slough.
Masters of the ‘quickie’
A survey from 2015, which looked at people’s favourite sexual positions, found that Londoners had a penchant for the stand-up shag. While other areas listed ‘doggy’ (Yorkshire + Wales) or ‘spooning’ (the South East), Londoners voted that their favourite sex position was ‘standing up.’ Maybe it’s because we’re always in a rush, or perhaps we just can’t help ourselves when strolling through Cock Lane. Watch out for the CCTV.
Think your city is sexier?
We think you will probably agree that London is the sexiest city in the world, but on the off-chance that you know something naughty about New York, or kinky about Kuala Lumpur, we’re open to hearing your case.
Let us know what the sexiest things about your city are either in the comments here or over on twitter. Which hot celebrities hail from your town? What kinky events keep you coming back for more? And, most importantly, do you have any better street names than the regally rude Kings Butts in SE9?