Discreet shipping icon   Discreet shipping warranty icon   1 year warranty Secure payment icon   Secure payment

Sex After Transition: Love Is A Many-Gendered Thing



Sex After Transition – I like sex. I always have. I’ve been doing it with the same person for 10 years now, and it never gets old. Though that may be due in part to a recent development which has required us to change things up somewhat: I socially transitioned to female.

By Jen Dragon

For years, sex for me and my partner hinged on vaginal penetration. Possibly with some oral thrown in, but usually relegated to foreplay and swiftly abandoned. We flirted with anal now and again but I enjoyed it more as a novelty than a means of receiving actual pleasure. While I love the sensation of having stuff in my butt, the vigorous pistoning of a strap in my arse was always a mite too uncomfortable, and before long we’d be back to PIV, limbs strewn around each other, with no regrets.

This suited us fine for the best part of a decade, until three years ago I did something which turned our sex life upside down.

I socially transitioned to female.

Sex after transition is different for everyone, of course. Lots of trans women enjoy using their penis for penetration post-transition. I found that living full-time as my true gender left me with dysphoria in the bedroom that simply hadn’t been there before. When being ‘allowed’ to be female was a rare treat, PIV sex was fantastic, but only relative to a life where I was constantly pretending to be something I wasn’t out of a misplaced sense of duty to fucked up societal mores. And that’s a life of the most interminable drudgery.

‘If your partner is more in love with your genitalia than you, coming out as trans will probably be the final nail in the coffin’

As an out trans woman, marching up to someone and sticking my penis in their vagina suddenly threw up unwanted feelings of masculinity, not helped by the fact I was also a bottom, and every sexual fantasy I’d ever had involved me being penetrated (if it involved penetration at all). I found myself unable to give my partner what they’d so enjoyed all these years, but to my unalloyed delight, they not only accepted this, they positively embraced it.

The crux of the matter is that if your partner is more in love with your genitalia than they are with you, coming out as trans will probably be the final nail in the coffin of the relationship, but if it’s you they want, they’ll move mountains to keep you, and ensure that the both of you are healthy and happy.

My partner and I are bisexual, we’ve never been with anyone else and we’ve never stopped loving each other. Prior to transition their main fear was that they’d fall out of love with me because they didn’t know if I’d be the kind of girl to whom they were attracted, but that reservation flew out the window when they saw how happy it made me to live as my true self. Buoyed by the thrill of a new chapter in our relationship, we started seeking ways to enjoy sex after transition that weren’t predicated on PIV, and this, incidentally – or perhaps inevitably – led to more exciting sex.

‘We ditched the blowjobs and I got great at giving head’

The changes were, broadly, threefold. We’d always done oral but – somewhat aptly – we’d only ever paid lip service to it. I hated receiving blowjobs because it drew attention to my penis, and while I enjoyed cunnilingus a lack of confidence in my technique limited me to short bursts.

After my transition, we ditched the blowjobs (my partner didn’t seem to miss them) and I got great at giving head. We tried different positions to increase the amount of time I could spend with my face buried in their cunt without getting tired, and they provided encouragement, both verbal and in the form of hands and thighs pressing me deeper inside them (I never exactly came out as submissive, but at this stage my partner can read me like a porno).

Second, anal went from occasional experiment to sexual staple (which sounds horrifying and hot at the same time). We got a better strap, I got on the anal training to ensure I was loose enough to allay discomfort, and again, we tried different positions. It wasn’t long before my partner discovered that sitting on the edge of the bed while I bounced on their lap with my limbs wrapped around them simultaneously stimulated my prostate, my penis, and my not inconsiderable daddy kink, and made me come like A Fucking Train.

‘We abandoned the notion of foreplay. Anything can be sex if you want it to be’

Lastly, and not entirely consciously, we abandoned the notion of foreplay. Anything can be sex if you want it to be. Some of our best sessions involve me doing nothing more than sitting astride a carelessly exposed leg, humping away and mewling pathetically. Once upon a time this would inevitably have led to penetration, but these days it’s far more likely my partner will pull out a vibrator and bring themself to orgasm while being entertained by my uncontrollable desperation. No complaints here.

After all that, we do sometimes still engage in vaginal penetration, but only because we have all these other options available, and because there is still pleasure to be found in fucking someone who sees and acknowledges me for who I am. For no matter how masculine my genitals threaten to make me feel, I need only look in my partner’s eyes to see the girl I’ve become staring back.

Jenby is a sex blogger and fetish model who discusses all things kink on her site JenDragon. She can also be found on Twitter and FetLife. She lives in Nottinghamshire with her partner, who is slowly getting used to being called Master, and a bearded dragon, who doesn’t readily seem to care what you call it.

Read about how our products may work for you if you’re pre-op, non-op, post-op or transitioning.

You might like


ATOM PLUS LUX Vibrating Cock Ring with Remote Control (Dual Motors)
ATOM PLUS LUX

Perfect when used solo or with a partner! Look, no hands! Thanks to the introduction of ATOM PLUS LUX’s versatile remote, you can now seamlessly switch between settings without ever needing...


DiGiT Finger Vibrator Front on
DiGiT

Undeniably delightful, DiGiT is our most beautiful and ergonomic sex toy yet. This versatile finger vibrator will enhance the way you masturbate and take sex and foreplay to new levels. With...


PULSE DUO LUX Couples Sex Toy for Men & Women
PULSE DUO LUX

A step up from PULSE DUO, PULSE DUO LUX combines versatility with sheer power. With two wearable remotes, enabling each partner to take complete control of their experience, this couples’ ...


AMO Bullet Vibrator Side on with a targeted tip and broad side - rechargeable and waterproof
AMO - Bullet Vibrator

It’s hard to believe that such a petite bullet vibrator can pack such a powerful punch. Enclosed in AMO’s premium-grade silicone casing lies a large and powerful motor that produces seriousl...


The Pocket PULSE - The First Open Guybrator
Pocket PULSE

Turbocharge your stroking with the power of Pocket PULSE. This male sex toy is our most lightweight and compact Guybrator™ yet. Its dual motors deliver deep and rumbly vibrations allowing yo...


Front view of Atom Plus Dual Motor and Perineum stimulator Cock Ring
ATOM PLUS

Perfect when used solo or with a partner! Take home the ATOM PLUS cock ring, the world’s first vibrating cock ring with dual integrated motors. Its innovative design delivers deep perineum ...


JETT the worlds first male frenulum edging vibrator - shown with all the tools in the box
JETT

JETT is THE toy for a HANDS FREE ORGASM, this penis vibrator is the first of its kind with Treble and Bass Technology™ and fully customisable Guybrator™, putting you in control of endless co...


PULSE SOL LUX Male Sex Toy for Edging and Frenulum Stimulation for Powerful Orgasms - Remote Controlled with Watch Remote
Pulse Solo Lux

A step up from the ESSENTIAL, the PULSE SOLO LUX combines versatility with sheer power. Go hands-free with the clever wrist-strap remote, and push power to the limits when you unleash the LU...


Kurve G Spot Vibrator Front On
KURVE

The mystery of the G-spot is solved! KURVE features our patented dual-motor Treble and Bass technology™, offering the ultimate in user customisation. Boasting a soft gel tip that provides a...


PULSE DUO Couples Sex Toy
PULSE DUO

Take foreplay to the next level with PULSE DUO. Combining our patented PulsePlate technology™ with powerful remote-controlled vibrations, this couples’ sex toy can make you both cum hands-...


ATOM Cock Ring Couples Toy - Front on - on a white background
Atom

Experience a whole new world of intensity with the ATOM cock ring, the couples’ sex toy that’s pushing the boundaries of pleasure. Its large, powerful motor and ergonomic design deliver exce...


Vibrating Butt Plug - PleX with flex shown with remote control
PleX with flex

Double motors for double the pleasure, putting you in control of endless combinations of intense Treble and rumbly Bass vibrations. Thanks to its unique flexible base, PleX with flex is erg...


Sign up for emails

10's of thousands of subscribers can't be wrong, get access to exclusive content, special offers, and news. By subscribing you agree to our privacy policy. We will not share or sell your personal information.