77-Year-Old Man: Should I Marry A 30-Year-Old Woman?

"I’m 77 and seeing a woman age 30. We are serious and thinking about marriage. But should I marry a 30-year-old woman? What are some things I need to consider?"

"She lives in another state. We’ve been talking online every day for six months but have never met in person. She says she loves me. The purpose of my question is not to hear all the warnings about online dating because I am aware of them."

"She says she is interested in me because of my maturity and stability and young men are too immature. We have already discussed issues: sexual appetite and ability for satisfaction, financial goals, living arrangements, and family issues. She believes she needs to be married as a life goal and for a feeling of security."

"I’m not sure I want to get married, and I will need a while to make sure to resolve any compatibility issues. I had a past relationship where the woman thought oral sex was immoral because of her religious upbringing. Consequently, for me this is a critical part of lovemaking and I do not want to do without for my remaining years."

"She says she’s interested in maturity and stability, should I marry a 30-year old woman?"

Joan answers:

You first submitted just your first paragraph, and after I asked for more, you shared the rest of the story. You said you don’t need advice about the dangers of online relationships, but yes, you do.

A woman whom you’ve never met in person, who’s almost half a century younger than you, claims to be in love with you and wants to get married. How can she know she loves you if she’s never actually met you? Talking daily is not the same as knowing each other. Is she who she says she is? Why does she want to marry someone she’s never met unless there’s a financial incentive — she wants your money and she’s conning you — or she’s desperate for reasons we don’t know, or she’s mentally unbalanced?

The age difference is a huge red flag, the quick love declaration is another, and the rush to a marriage commitment is a third. You don’t say whether she has asked you for money, but I can guess. I know you want this to be real, but everything you’ve told me screams no. I’m sorry.