His Orgasm Takes Forever

"I’m 72. My husband of 50 years has trouble maintaining an erection. He desperately wants to orgasm, but it takes a lot of work on my part to get him there. We tried various sex toys, but nothing helps. His issues could be due to medications he's taking. Sex has become no fun. Help!"

Joan answers:

It’s common for an older man to need more stimulation to reach orgasm when erections are undependable, especially as a side effect of medications. First, ask his doctor or pharmacist for help. It’s possible that he can try a different medication or a different timing for taking his meds. Many of our medical professionals won’t assume that folks in our age group are sexually active, so we need to tell them.

His anxiety about orgasm — “Will I ever get there?” — makes it less likely to happen. Knowing that he’s exhausting you will slow him down even more.

You don’t say what you’re doing to bring him to orgasm. Oral? Manual? Trying to have intercourse? Let’s figure out how to remove your responsibility for his orgasm. You say you’ve tried “various sex toys” — but have you tried the Hot Octopuss PULSE or JETT? Those products are especially marvelous for reluctant orgasms, no erection required. You can assist by holding the toy, stroking him or working the remote controls. Or you can let him do it all while you hold him, play with his nipples or other erogenous spots, give him verbal encouragement or sexy talk. Ask him what he’d like.