The term ‘unicorn’ is often used in the hookup world to refer to a bi woman who loves to play with straight couples. And I consider myself a highly experienced unicorn. I’m young, I’m unattached, I’m friendly, I like sex, and the more the merrier!

However, I’m pretty picky with the couples I sleep with. This is because while threesomes can be incredibly fun, they can also be incredibly stressful – I mean, there’s a lot of egos and genitals to balance in one bed. Here are a few things I’ve learned from my personal experience.

Threesome tip #1: Ideally, the couple should have experience

While it might seem like fun to hook up with that random couple you met at O’Flanagans on Friday, it’s probably not a great idea if none of you have any experience. Relationships are hard enough with two people. Dating is hard enough as a single person. Combine the two and add in it being everyone’s first time and, baby, you have a recipe for disaster.

Tip #2: Make sure you talk to both members of the couple equally beforehand

If you’re meeting on an app (which is a great place to meet couples!) there’s often just one liaison for the couple. He/she/they do all the swiping/chatting.

Then, you go out, and you’re on a date with Dan… and a total stranger.

Mitigate this by starting a group message. Get to know one another as a unit – equal playing field.

Also, on the apps, there have been instances of single guys pretending to be in couples just in order to get pics and videos. Yeah… it’s messed up. Be careful.

Tip #3: Set boundaries before entering the bedroom

This is really good advice in general. There are so many moving parts during sex, you don’t want to be negotiating the terms with a butt plug in your ass (unless that’s how you work best, no judgment.)

Some people would prefer if their partner doesn’t penetrate the third (if that’s a factor), some people don’t care.

Not into ass play? SUPER into ass play? It’s a lot easier to tell someone that over coffee than when you’ve got a cock in your mouth. Communication, communication… did I mention communication? COMMUNICATION.

Threesome tip #4: Make sure everyone’s in it for the right reasons

OK, so I can’t tell you the ‘right’ reason to have a threesome (besides, like, ‘to have fun’ and ‘I’m horny’). However, there are certainly some wrong/not good reasons.

Is she just doing this to make him happy? BAD. Are they doing it to save a floundering marriage? WORSE. Are you trying to break up a happy (or even unhappy) home? I mean, live your life, but that sounds like a lot of work for very little payoff. Are they trying to ‘spice things up’? Ugh, that’s the worst. Just go buy a cock ring and a butt plug! Things can get messy (metaphorically… hell, sometimes literally) if everyone isn’t on the same page.

Tip #5: Make sure everyone is into everyone

This sounds like a no-brainer, but I’ve had several FFM threesomes where the girl wasn’t bisexual and wouldn’t go down on me, and I’m like… so we’re both just fucking your boyfriend? Don’t get me wrong I like fucking your boyfriend, but this sucks! I want to fuck you too, not just him! I don’t want to be here just to satisfy your boyfriend’s fantasy. I don’t appreciate being porn. Why are we having a threesome if we all don’t want to fuck each other? Same goes for dudes! If I’m in an MMF threesome, I’m not saying you have to fuck each other, but you should want to make out a little!

Tip #6: Wait for them to make the first move

During my first threesome, I wasn’t sure how it would work. What was my role here? It felt inappropriate to make this all about me from the beginning, so I just kind of sat there drinking my beer. Eventually, she started making out with him. Then she turned to me, and we kissed. And it all went quite naturally from there.

You’re the guest star, but the main cast has a relationship that you’re not really a part of. Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn, but patience is key. Don’t rush it. If they know what they’re doing they’ll make you feel welcome and appreciated. Once things get going, things will progress naturally, but let them call the shots, at least at first.

Tip #7: Give equal time to both partners

Now it’s your turn to pay it back. A threesome is like if sex were also a math equation. You want to have fun, but also you want to make sure Jessica is also having fun, but don’t forget about Sarah, oh shit you spent too much time with Sarah and now Jessica is just sitting in the corner pouting… wait… no, she’s not pouting, she’s masturbating, and she looks happy, phew! OK, we’re good, equation solved!

Hopefully jealousy never comes into play in the menage-a-trois (yikes!) but even still, no one likes to be left out. I mean, you are the star of the show kind of, so remember that. God, I’m not telling you to fake it or anything, but like threesomes by their nature are more theatrical than normal sex. Have fun with that!

Threesome tip #8: Respect their boundaries

No matter how much fun you had with them, they’re the ones in the long-term relationship. It’s important not to cross any boundaries. If they want to see you again, they will make the effort. A quick, ‘I had a nice time last night’ is great, encouraged even!, but respect that it’s up to them if they want to include you again. Every member has agency and is involved, so don’t feel like you can’t express that you want to see them again, but if you don’t hear back after that? Don’t worry – there are no shortages of horny people. Trust me, I’ve done my research.

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