Valentine’s Day, eh? If you’re loved up it can be stressful enough, but for those of us who happen to be single on the day, it really sucks (and not in a good way).
Well, people, we’re on your side. This year, we’ve issued those of our customers who’re spending 14 Feb alone a special sick note and prescription. Because V-Day loving is for singletons too. Simply save and print, fill in as appropriate, and hand to your boss on the 14th. Then settle in for a day of passionate, romantic lovemaking with yourself.
Our note recommends “One PULSE III SOLO, a box of tissues, massage oil, and plenty of water” and advises you “to remain in an intimate environment for a minimum of eight hours.”
Our CEO Adam said: “We spend thousands of dollars every year celebrating our friends being in relationships – hen do’s, weddings, baby showers. Love is a wonderful thing, but where’s the day to celebrate singletons?
“This Valentine’s Day we’re championing those who choose not to be in a relationship or those that just want to give themselves a bit of love. Valentine’s Day should be for everyone, and our sick note service means it doesn’t just have to be about gifting roses and red wine – you can take the day off work and treat yourself instead! Turn off your emails and put your phone on silent. There’s only one piece of tech you need this Valentine’s Day.”
Here’s that note. Enjoy.