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Sex Requirement for Marriage

I am a 60-year-old single male. I still very much desire sex, but I believe that sex is reserved for a close, loving marriage. I want to find a partner for a sex-filled, intimate, affectionate marriage. But many women are not interested in the physical aspect – sex! – and only pretend to be interested to trap the man.

After marriage, they spring the sexless life on the husband. How can I determine her intentions up front so I don’t get caught? A companionship marriage is of no interest to me.

Joan answers:

Sex can mean so many things. When you say that “sex is reserved for marriage,” do you mean intercourse only? Or orgasms, however produced? Or any kind of sexual touching and pleasuring? In other words, what kinds of sexual expression are acceptable before marriage, in your view?

Even if intercourse is out of bounds, get to know the women you date and spend time giving and receiving sexual pleasure within your boundaries. But if nothing is acceptable but a good-night kiss until marriage and then you’re expecting your mate to be wildly sexual, you’re likely to be disappointed.

You must have had a bad past experience to be convinced that “many women” use sex as bait to trap a man. Yes, that can happen, but there are many more women your age who are as eager as you are for sex within a committed relationship or marriage. (A much younger woman may be more interested in an older man’s wallet than his sex appeal, so I hope you’re dating within your age group).

You’re likely to scare away good women by viewing them as adversaries trying to bait you into marriage. Take a hard look at how your attitude might be distancing the very women who are looking for what you are.

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