The EDGE Blog

Pain Free Kink


Think kink has to hurt? Think again. In this article author Jam breaks down bondage, sensory exploration, and role play as fun and easy ways that folks can dive into pain free kink.


Bondage

Bondage is the act of restraining the body’s movement.  While rope is probably the most represented bondage modality, there are many, many other ways to tie your sweetie up.

–  Plastic wrap

–  Padded wrist cuffs

–  Fetish wear i.e. ball gags and arm binders

Bondage can be deep, rich, and satisfying on multiple levels.  For many, slipping into the dynamic of controlling (top) and being controlled (bottom) feels amazing.  The stress and worries of day to day life fade into the background as the deliciousness of tension and release unfurl during the scene.

It’s common to be able to see an almost psychic connection between the rigger and the bottom, as their breath syncs up and their attention becomes focused on one point.  Trust flows from both ends; every movement is drawn out and revelled in.

A delightful form of pain free kink, bondage can bring connection, trust, and enjoyment to the next level.

Sensory manipulation

Another exercise in trust, and one that is quite conducive to sadistic humour.  As one sense is taken away, all the others are heightened.

Begin with a thick leather blindfold

Toss in a guided walk to reinforce the power dynamic

Explore hot, cold, smooth, scratchy, pokey, thuddy.  Velvet, fur.

Smells: camphor, rosemary, citrus, bacon, cookies, armpits

Menthol muscle rubs.

Tastes: schizandra berry, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, cloves, honey

Here the bottom often feels special and taken care of.  “Wow, my partner set all this up for me.  And they took me on an adventure!”  The top typically has themself a good laugh, and is reminded of how good it can feel to set up a surprise for their partner.

Sensory manipulation is a good option for folks who are low on energy.  No one needs to break a sweat to have a good time.

Role play

Role play is FUN.  Caregivers and Littles, Pups and Handlers, Nurses and Patients . . . the only limitation is your imagination (and your regard for the law.)  While typically there is an element of power exchange within role play, I do see power exchange as its own category.  Most folks who have a dominant/submissive or master/slave dynamic are not role playing.  They have made formal agreements to abide by certain behaviours and expectations.  These roles have become a long-term part of their identity.

But here we’re concerned with role play as in, “I’m going to pretend to be a ___________ for the duration of the scene.  My partner is going to pretend to be a __________ during the scene and then we’ll interact, and it’ll be fun and hot.”

Pain free kink is about adults playing!  We’re making up scenarios with rules.  We’re imagining that we’re certain characters while we step into the worlds of these scenarios.  When we play by the rules, there are rewards.  When we break the rules, there may be consequences.

Role play will have you and your partner laughing, leaving the worries of the day behind.

HOMEWORK (I promise you’ll like it.)

Write down your responses in a journal, or use the following prompts to start a conversation with friends:

1. Imagine being blindfolded. What does your breath feel like? What sensations would you like to experience? Anticipation and fear? Or reassurance and body heat?

2. Describe a scenario in which you’d like to be tied up. Are there specific sensations that you’d like to be exposed to? How does the idea of a forced orgasm sit with you? Perhaps the subtleties are more intriguing to you – the cadence of your partner’s breath, the heaviness of their footstep. What about being restrained turns you on?

3. What bondage supplies would you be curious to try? Velcro, leather cuffs, plastic wrap, or zip ties? What ideas of your own can you come up with?

4. What sensory manipulation materials can you find around your house? Take an inventory of sight, sound, taste, touch (texture and heat), and smell as you go through your kitchen. Keep combinations in mind. Remember that as you take away one sense, the others grow stronger.

5. Imagine that you’re topping a bondage or sensory manipulation scene. When and how would you check in with your bottom? What personal touches would you bring in to reassure them of your presence? What would you do if they said they were fine but showed physical signs – cold sweat, pallid hands – that suggested otherwise?

6. What kind of role play could you see yourself doing? How do you see it playing into daily interactions? One example would be a Little helping their Daddy change the oil in his car. Another example would be a Pup licking up a mess that their Handler made.

7. In your opinion what would be the best ever treats to give? If a submissive went above and beyond, proving that their dominant’s happiness what their ultimate priority, how should they be rewarded?

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