The EDGE Blog

BDSM Advice: I got a paddle. Now what?

Dear Zentai,
I got a paddle. Now what do I do? I swatted at my partner’s ass a couple of times but they just laughed at me. And then they said, “Ow, stop.”
-Idle Hands, Jacksonhole, USA


Hey Idle Hands,

That’s a million dollar question! This is where the concept of a scene comes in.

Here’s what you do: say, “Hey are you cool with me taking my time getting to know this toy? And will you promise to give me honest feedback? We can stop anytime.” If your partner’s on board, carry on.

Next you’ll put on some nice music. Seriously, rhythm will have a big impact (heh) on how your impact scene goes.

Ask your partner to remove their underpants and lay face down.

Use the paddle to alternate between brushing and hitting the skin’s surface. Start soft with the hits and work the whole area. As the skin becomes warm and flush, begin to intersperse heavier and heavier impacts with the soothing surface strokes.

Check in with your partner throughout this process. They should be clearly communicating whether they want more, want to slow down, or want to stop.

If you’re feeling fancy, a microfiber blanket or piece of rabbit fur works magic on the nerves during paddling scenes. Simply use it instead of the soothing surface strokes to give your partner a sensory treat between the ouchy bits.

Bottoms (the person receiving) often get an endorphin high. If the scene is followed by sex, it may just be the best sex of their life.

Your friendly neighborhood pain slut,

Zentai (they/them)

Psst! Got a kinky question of your own? Head over to the Ask Zentai page and click the sexy little button that says “Ask Zentai A Question.”

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