Every sex toy can be a couples sex toy if you use it right. From vibrators you use to get a bit of extra stimulation during a shag, to masturbators you watch your partner using – everything counts as a couples sex toy if your partner is up for sharing.
But not all toys can be used hands-free. One of the trickiest things about using toys as a couple is that with more equipment hanging around, and two sets of genitals to keep happy, you sometimes need an extra arm or two to make sure everything’s getting the right attention.
So: is it possible to find a hands-free couples sex toy that:
a) gets you both off and
b) doesn’t require one of you to be an actual octopus?
The short answer is yes.
Hands-free couples sex toys: getting in control
Many sex toys these days offer apps which help you control the speed and intensity of the vibrations. That’s pretty handy if you can’t reach the toy itself when you’re entangled in a sweaty embrace, but not too helpful if you’re covered in lube or… ahem… other things which you probably don’t want to smear on your iPhone.
If it’s control you’re worried about, separate control packs – like the one on the PULSE II DUO – allow you to make the necessary adjustments really easily. The main body of the PULSE II DUO wraps around the penis, and it has an additional external vibrator on the outside which can be controlled by the handheld remote. It can be controlled by either of you – whoever wants to be in the driving seat can choose the speed and intensity. As an added bonus: no more devastating lube/smartphone catastrophes. Which brings us neatly onto the next question:
Should I use lube with a hands-free couples sex toy?
One of the many areas of sexual stigma, which we need to smash into a thousand pieces, is the idea that using lube is in some way ‘cheating.’ We see this attitude reflected quite often – shortly before Christmas wrestling star Ronda Rousey had some incredibly odd advice about lube. In response to a reader query in US Maxim magazine, she advised the guy to:
“Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy … and you’re not taking your time.”
Which is ridiculous, because lube isn’t just there as a way to speed through foreplay – it’s also there as a pleasure enhancer, to make anal play easier, to use with toys that otherwise would feel dry… the list goes on.
The article linked above is by the brilliant Rachel Kramer Bussel – a sex writer who effortlessly debunks the notion that lube means you’ve somehow ‘failed’ at foreplay. Yet despite the sterling efforts of writers like Rachel, the myth still persists, and during partnered sex a lot of women often feel bad for using lube if their vagina doesn’t produce enough naturally.
But there’s absolutely no need for women to feel bad – this is such a common thing that almost every woman will experience it at some point in her life – it just happens, like the sun rising in the morning or getting sand in your picnic at the beach.
Bringing a hands-free couples sex toy into the bedroom is a great way to illustrate this, and introduce lube without anyone feeling nervous that they’re doing something wrong. Although toys like PULSE II DUO can be used without lubricant, it’s worth trying both ways to see what you both enjoy (you can check out some lubes recommended by experts here). Given this, the only thing you need to pay attention to is the type of lube that’s compatible with the toy – squirt on as much or as little as you like to get the most out of your hands-free couples sex toy.
Hands-free couples sex toys: which positions are best?
Now comes the fun part: you’ve picked your toy, you’re ready to go, and you have the rest of the night to spend exploring which positions work best for you.
Unlike many other couples toys, which are designed to sit in a fixed position inside the vagina, PULSE II DUO is a hands-free couples sex toy that wraps around the penis. First you can position it so that the oscillating PulsePlate is in the right place for him, then she can position herself so that the external vibrations hit just the right place for her.
Because of this, PULSE II DUO works especially well in cowgirl. Once you’re in position, she controls the movements – downward pressure pushes the PulsePlate harder against him, giving a more intense sensation with each stroke. Either of you can hold on to the remote control, changing the intensity of her vibrations as she rides. In missionary, the PULSE II DUO is pressed between his penis and her clitoris – again each stroke provides pressure which increases intensity. It’s also great for sex on the sofa, in office chairs… you name it. Like we say: experimentation is key. And fun, of course.
If you’re looking for any other excuse to pick up an awesome hands-free couples sex toy, let us remind you that it’s nearly Valentine’s Day. Yeah, it might be annoying to have to dodge all the bright red stands in the supermarket, and feel annoyed that last year you forgot, but we’re giving you plenty of warning because we’re nice like that. Instead of treating your partner, or waiting for them to treat you, why not buy a sex toy you can enjoy together?