Five Excuses To Buy A Sex Toy


 

Bread, milk, bin liners, teabags, grout to fix that dodgy tile in the bathroom… every day you go through the rigmarole of buying yourself things you need. But how often do you get to splurge on something you truly want?

It’s time to treat yourself: here are five excuses to buy yourself a sex toy.

Winter is coming

The temperature is dropping, the nights are drawing in, and some people have even had to resort to putting their heating on. Desperate times call for desperately sexy measures. Pick up a new sex toy and you’ll have one more tactic to help you stay warm on those cold winter nights: vigorous masturbation.

Sex toys are better than they have ever been

Whether you’re a sex toy afficionado with lots of modern wanking gadgets or a newbie with one dildo and a confused look on your face, don’t worry: we’ve got you covered. Just as phone tech took a great leap forward back in the early noughties, so sex toy technology has come on in leaps and bounds too. Our patented PulsePlate technology doesn’t just get you off, it gives you sensations you will genuinely never have felt before. Most sex toys use vibration to stimulate – ours uses oscillation, a very rapid ‘tapping’ type motion. The result: deep, thudding waves of stimulation that go right through you rather than just buzzing on the surface of the skin.

Curious? Pick up PULSE III (if you’ve got a penis) or the Queen Bee (if you have a clitoris) and try it for yourself. We’d never go so far as to guarantee orgasms, because every body is different, but what we can guarantee is that you’ve never felt anything quite like it.

It’s nearly payday

Have you heard the saying that ‘it’s always time for X somewhere in the world?’ – usually used as an excuse to go for cocktails at 3 in the afternoon, even if you know that technically cocktails are best enjoyed when the sun has gone down. Well, no matter where you are in the month it’s always nearly payday… depending on how you define ‘nearly’ and what exactly you mean by ‘payday.’ What we mean is that if you’ve got the money to spend on a new sex toy, why wait? The sooner you buy it, the sooner you can start having fun.

You’re a Scorpio

If you’re a scorpio, you’re likely the kind of person who either believes in astrology or thinks it’s all bunkum. You’re probably devastatingly attractive, witty and charming. More importantly, you almost certainly have a birthday coming up sometime in October or November. And what are the chances of someone buying you a sex toy that’s exactly what you want? Treat yourself in advance to avoid disappointment later.

All the other excuses are just excuses

You’ve heard them, and we’ve written them: sex toy gift guides for Christmas, sex toys to buy on Valentine’s Day, Pancake Day sex toy surprises for your partner… there always seems to be an excuse to buy sex toys for a loved one. And that’s great, of course! But realistically when we write these gift guides all we’re trying to do is give you an excuse to do what you want to do already anyway: spend your money on something that will give you sexual pleasure. Today maybe it’s time to just decide that you’ll buy it because you want to – no excuses required.

(And we’re making a mental note to write that Pancake Day one next year…)

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