"I’m a 65-year-old woman, married to a man for 45 years. We are good together, happy together, but we haven't had sex in 30 years. I watch porn and masturbate, but what really arouses me is lesbian porn. Am I the only married woman who would like to experiment with another woman my age? Is this a common urge for happily married seniors?"
Joan answers:
No, you’re far from the only married woman who discovers she is turned on by lesbian porn and would like to experiment with a female partner. When I was writing Naked at Our Age, several women over 50 sent me their stories about marrying men (some quite contently, others battling their nature) and in later life discovering their attraction to women.
I often recommend Dear John, I Love Jane, a marvelous 2011 anthology edited by Candace Walsh and Laura André and written by women who left their straight life/ relationships/ husbands because they fell in love with women. You’ll also find this Senior Planet column interesting: “Ask Joan: Surprised Widow”.
You don’t say why you and your husband haven’t had sex for 30 of your 45 years together, whether you’ve talked about it, tried to work things out, or you’re happy with a companionate (loving but not sexual) marriage. I hope you have an arrangement that leaves you free to get your needs met elsewhere. If that isn’t a topic of conversation in your sexless marriage, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to pursue your desires.
