The EDGE Blog

BDSM Advice: Does kink have to hurt?

Dear Zentai,
Does kink have to hurt? My partner and I want to explore, but we’re not into pain.
-Fluffy Bae, Chattanooga, USA


Hey Fluffy Bae,

No way! Kink does not have to hurt. Here are some really good places for folks to start exploring pain free kink:

-sensory manipulation: put a blindfold on your partner and proceed to use ice cubes, feathers, honey, peppermint and the like to titillate their senses.

-role play: if you’re feeling silly, role play is a great option. You can be kitties, piggies, ponies, doctors, teachers, students, patients . . . anything your imagination comes up with!

-power exchange: high protocol tea service, dinner service, and cigar service all lend well to power exchange. Make it your own by discussing: What is it that the dominant wants? What is it that the submissive wants? How will we punish mistakes and reward a job well done?

-boot blacking: a staple of leather culture is boot blacking. There are entire groups on FetLife dedicated to the subject. If you prefer hardcopy, check out Beyond Bootblacking by Daddy Wendell. This can be an incredibly connective activity. Orgasmic too, if you strap a dildo on the boot.

-foot worship and boot worship: when people love feet, they really love feet. Lick, suck, hump, or just whimper and curl around your mistress’s boots. Rewards may include a sweaty pair of stockings or a foot job (like a hand job . . . but with your foot.)

-spit: a personal favorite, spit can be a wildly fun and hot way to dabble with degradation. Spit in your partner’s mouth or asshole. You’re sure to get a reaction.

Whatever you do, research as much as you can, and negotiate with your partner before trying. I just asked my 8 ball and it says you’re about to have a good ass time.


Your friendly neighborhood pain slut,

-Zentai (they/them)


Psst! Got a kinky question of your own? Head over to the Ask Zentai page and click the sexy little button that says “Ask Zentai A Question.”

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