How To Eat Pussy

First things first: What words does your partner use to refer to their lower anatomy?

• Vulva, junk, bits
• Vagina, front hole, pussy, cunt
• Labia, lips
• Clit, dick

Your partner is likely to regard some terms as cringy, “meh,” or huge turn-ons. If you don’t know, ask!

What if my partner doesn’t want their pussy to be eaten?

Your significant other may feel reluctant to receive oral sex because they:

• don’t like it
• don’t like how you do it
• are stressed
• feel insecure

Strive to become fluent in sex communication. Initiate these conversations when you’re in a comfortable setting, and not in the middle of sex. They don’t have to be doom-and-gloom “big deal” intervention-style sit-downs. The more frequently you engage in friendly and caring listening, the easier and more productive these conversations will become.

What if I don’t want to eat pussy?

You don’t have to! But touch base with your significant other frequently to ensure that both of you are getting your needs met. You must take responsibility for your feelings and actions; never blame or shame your partner for something you’re not happy with.

How to Become a Cunning Linguist

Now that we’ve handled the nuts and bolts, let’s dive in.

First, check in with your partner. This could be through words and often includes an energy assessment. Do they feel stressed? Ready to let their hair down and get wild? Or soft, gentle, and cuddly?

If they’re not in the mood to receive oral sex, offer to run a bath, make tea, or bust out their favorite video game instead.

If they are in the mood to indulge the ravenous devotion of your mouth, carry on.

Before you do anything else, take a look at your hands

Are there gremlins underneath your nails? Do you clearly remember the last time you washed them? Take a moment to wash with soap and file down any sharp edges. If you have rough, calloused hands, wear well-lubed nitrile gloves.

Next, begin by introducing your touch to various parts of their body. Try things like:

• gentle kisses on the shoulders, breasts, and thighs
• a neck, scalp, or hand massage
• long, passionate kisses on the mouth
• sucking their nipples
• nibbling their low belly
• teasing their vulva and nipples through a soft blanket

As their breath, voice, and hip movements become more pronounced, you may officially begin…

…quenching your thirst

1. Lick, nibble, and kiss your way from the inner thighs to the outer labia.

2. With a soft tongue and the heat of your breath, cordially greet the outer and inner labia.

3. Explore long, slow licks around the opening of their vagina.

Take your time here! Make it clear that you are in no hurry whatsoever. This is a good time to whisper, “I love how you taste,” or, “Your pussy turns me on so much.”

4. Locate your partner’s clit. More importantly, identify the hood. Most folks do not find direct stimulation of the clitoris to be pleasant, so become proficient in the navigation of their hood.

Diving even deeper

Enjoy licking and perhaps nibbling on the hood. You might even be able to feel the clitoris inside it. Practice massaging the hood-enshrouded clit between your tongue and the roof of your mouth. Try tugging a bit here, or giving your luvah a mini-blowjob, using suction as you move the hood up and down the clit’s shaft with your mouth.

Don’t give them road rash! That is to say, a stubbly chin can make a pussy-eating session absolutely hellacious for the receiver. Hopefully, you shaved clean or grew out your beard well in advance of this moment. Either way, be mindful about not rubbing the bones or sandpaper of your jaw against their tender skin.

Eat pussy like a Jedi

Read your partner’s pussy with the senses of your tongue and lips. Their body will be giving you plenty of clues about what it does and doesn’t like. Ah, the Force is strong in this one. Pay attention.

Wait until your sweetie’s pussy is practically trying to gobble you up before you even think about penetration. Signs that you’ve got a green light: their labia and clit are swollen, they are producing a lot of fluid, their hips are bucking toward your face, and/or they ask for it with their words.

Hand fuckin’

Good pussy eating sessions almost always include the fine art of hand fucking. Once your lover’s quivering front hole is decidedly snapping at you like a hungry baby dragon, you can bring your neatly-groomed fingers into the picture. While continuing your mouth wizardry, start teasing their cunt with your fingers.

Slowly trail the backs of your fingertips along the creases of their labia. Next, squeeze the labia together and massage them between your finger and thumb. Trace circles around the opening to their vagina.

Continue until your partner is practically (or literally) begging for penetration. Slide one or two (most likely, two) well-lubed fingers into their pussy. Settle into a steady in and out motion, pressing up toward the front wall of the vagina. Some folks may like the popularly toted “come hither” motion, generated by repeatedly bending the farthest two finger knuckles. This technique pinpoints the pressure through the tips of your fingers, hyper-targeting the G-spot.

However, my time in the field has taught me otherwise

I recommend keeping the fingers fairly straight and initiating the thrusting from your elbow, so your whole forearm is moving forward and back as you penetrate. On your backstroke, apply pressure all the way through the length of your fingers, which will naturally bend at the lowest knuckles before you restart the motion with your next thrust.

Across the board, I’ve received an enthusiastic response to this technique, which provides a broader surface area and by extension envelops the G-spot with a cushiony kind of pressure.

Avoid bruising your sweetie’s pelvis

It’s likely that your partner will eventually want a solid pounding with three or more fingers inserted (yes, while you’re still licking the rest of the bits. You got this!) The reverberation of a good thump can feel quite nice. But…

…not so nice when your knuckles are bruising their pelvis. The solution: Sit back and give your mouth a break. Flex your wrist so your hand makes a gentle cupping shape. Now, pound away! As your convex palm slams into their pubic mound, their clitoris will get a lovely little high-five. Again, to avoid slapping the exposed head of the clit, focus the bulk of the blow at their pubic mound. Trust me, they’ll be able to feel it.

For folks who are fans of a good cunt-bashing, this technique is likely to bring them right to their edge. Once you’ve seen the signs of impending orgasm, get your face back down there, keep thrusting, and lick lick lick your loved one’s pussy until they explode.

After your partner climaxes, don’t touch their clit!

Be still, be silent, and simply witness the electricity of your lover’s release.

Hot Tip: Use a Toy

Toys are your hand’s best friend. Also, your partner’s G-spot’s best friend.

DiGiT will make you the Big Daddy of hand sex! The ring-like fasteners keep DiGiT securely in place, providing a rumbly extension to your finger. They are flexible enough to comfortably work with a wide range of finger sizes.

KURVE is a power tool for G-spot stimulation. It boasts TWO independently controlled motors. One delivers pelvis-rattling bass and the other rocks out on high-frequency treble. The icing on the cake is KURVE’s squishy gel tip which engulfs the G-spot with a deliciously broad and responsive surface area.

Hard conversations

“What if my sweetie’s got something going on down there?”

It’s normal for genitals to have a smell. If that smell is sharp and can be detected from a few feet away, it’s time to go to the doctor. It’s also normal for genitals to make discharge. If that discharge is chunky, looks like yogurt, or is any color other than white or clear, it is also time to go to the doctor.

“My lover’s junk is a lint trap.”

In a previous career, I performed thousands of Brazilian bikini waxes, during which time I saw an alarming amount of toilet paper lint in downstairs crevices. I suggest switching from “ultra-soft” styles to recycled toilet paper, which is far less linty. While I never hesitate to freshen my undercarriage with a sink bath before receiving a blow job, it’s not the most practical approach. Purchasing an easily-installed bidet attachment for your toilet is a much classier option.

When you’re not having sex, bring it up tactfully

Don’t act like it’s an awkward or embarrassing topic. Approach the conversation from a place of caring about your partner and your relationship. Try something like, “Babe, I’m worried that you might have something going on down there. Would you be willing to make an appointment with your doctor soon?” or in the case of crumbles in the cracks, “Hey I’ve been thinking about getting us a Tushy bidet. I’ve noticed that TP lint’s been hanging out down there and a bidet would make it easier for us both to freshen up. Would you be into that?”

The best is yet to cum

Don’t let intimidation stop you from becoming the best pussy eater your partner’s ever encountered. The vulva is not so confusing most articles lead you to believe. Experiment and enjoy the ride, letting your tongue, lips, and spidey senses interpret the data for you. Your lover’s body – and words – will tell you all you need to know.