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BDSM Toys For Beginners And WTF To Do With Them



What should every kink curious couple have in their bedroom? Bondage cuffs, blindfolds, and a paddle. WTF should they do with them? Read on to find out about BDSM toys for beginners:

Bondage Cuffs

Cuffs are the fastest and safest way to get into bondage.

The best ones are made from quality leather. You’ll want to have a pair each for wrists and ankles. Most folks will love the sturdy metal fasteners. People with arthritis or other dexterity issues may opt for Velcro versions. Hand cuffs are not a thing. Don’t go there.

The main thing to keep in mind is the bottom’s comfort. Check in periodically throughout the scene to make sure they don’t feel cold, numb, or tingly on any of their extremities.

Starting with the most beginner friendly option, here are three ways to rock your partner’s world with bondage cuffs:

  1. Connect your bottom’s wrists together in front of their body with wrist cuffs. Connect their ankles to one another with the ankle cuffs. Have fun and check in as you explore the different positions that are -and are not- available to your partner in this compromised state. This is a great time to incorporate a vibrator or guybrator, especially if you want to play with the power dynamic of a forced orgasm.

  2. Ask your bottom to face the bed post. Use cuffs to connect their wrists around the post. Connect their ankles to a spreader bar. Use feathers, fingers, and various toys to caress the skin on the inner sides of their legs. This transitions easily to a derriere focused impact scene if you’re inclined to use a paddle or flogger.

  3. Connect left wrist to left ankle, and right wrist to right ankle. This will put your bottom in a somewhat unusual position where they can wiggle and flop about, but not fully extend their limbs. It’s a nice option for folks who like humiliation play, as you will have full access to their undercarriage. This amount of open space leaves plenty of room for girthier toys.

Blindfold and cuffed woman lit by red and blue lights

Blindfolds

Blindfolds are the most versatile sex toy besides the human brain. Looking for a fast track to sub space? Slap one of these guys on and enjoy the roller coaster of sensation and trust that follow.

Too stressed to bottom? This is typical of the person who’s happy to give oral sex but can’t receive because it tickles or they’re otherwise distracted. Blindfolds are an amazingly effective way to relax into the experience of receiving stimulation.

To introduce the idea of using a blindfold, try something like this, “I noticed that we both have a tendency of switching into autopilot during sex. Would you want to try wearing a blindfold? I’d like to see if it helps us connect more and feel good in our bodies.”

While you could just slap a blindfold on your partner and pound away as usual, why not try something else? Slow down. Watch their breath. Caress the side of their cheek, their lips, and the inside of their legs. Show them that you’re paying attention and that they can let themselves go inside your embrace.

Sure, you can use a scarf or pair of leggings in a pinch. But 100% of anyone who’s ever tried a leather BDSM blindfold will tell you, they are infinitely more comfortable. Be sure to get one with a stretchy strap rather than a buckle or Velcro, so it doesn’t get caught in anybody’s hair.

Do not underestimate the level of trust that somebody is putting in you by allowing you to blindfold them. Go slow and check in frequently. Oh and tell your submissive that they’re doing a good job. Subs love that.

Paddles

Who the f*ck is into paddling?

Well, bottoms who like endorphin highs.

And tops who like ass.

How do you do it so it feels good, and so that your partner doesn’t just laugh at you?

Warm them up. Vary it up. Climax. Aftercare.

  1. Warm them up: Use the smooth surface of the paddle to stroke their rear end. Then begin to work in some gentle pats in an upward motion. See the fleshy cross where the butt cheeks meet one another and where the thighs meet the ass?

The closer you get to this spot with your upward strokes, the more you will stimulate the nerve bundle that wraps all the way around to the genitals. This is a good thing.

  1. Vary it up: this means with intensity, location, and texture. Incorporate stronger hits with the softer ones. Work the entire area of the cakes, to avoid one spot getting overstimulated. With lighter skinned partners, an even flush should be visible over the entire surface of their rear end. With partners of any complexion, a warmer temperature will signal to you which areas have been worked over.

The further you get into the scene, the more vivid and distinct textures will be. Treat your partner to a soft blanket or piece of rabbit fur between hits and watch them melt in your hands.

  1. Climax: following your bottom’s cue (as in ask them if they want more, and if they give you an emphatic yes, carry on), increase the intensity of the hits. This part can become quite intense, and you must stay tuned in to them to know when to stop. They should get to a good “Wahoo! I want to cuddle now,” place, not the, “Oh God I’m going to need therapy everyday for the next week” place. Remember, they may go nonverbal, or they may think they can take more than they should, based on their endorphin response. Check in, and if there is any cause for hesitation, end the scene.

Reflect on what happened when you’re both in a clear headspace. Another way of climaxing during an impact scene is to, well, climax. The bottom can use a vibrator to stimulate themself (DiGiT’s awesome because they won’t drop it due to slippery excitement), and when they come to an orgasm, the scene ends. Cuddle cuddle cuddle. Chocolate.

We’ll end this with a friendly reminder from somebody who has subpar impulse control (it's me):

Scene negotiation is non-negotiable. As in, you must do it every time, even if you’ve been married for decades. Here’s an acronym to help:

D – desire: what do you want to do

O – off limits: what’s off limits

M – medical condition: any updates on medical conditions and how to respond

S – safeword/sentences/stoplight/squeaky toy: how are you going to make the scene STOP if necessary? Examples: a safeword (“hysterctomy!”), sentences (“Hey babe let’s take a break from this”), stoplight (green=go, yellow=slow down, red=stop NOW), squeaky toy (squeak the toy or drop it on the floor.)

May you feel connected, may you feel alive. And may you and your loved ones have many delightful adventures ahead.

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