“Seniors: What’s the best/smartest/sexiest tip you’d give other seniors to improve their sex lives, partnered or solo?”
I asked my followers on Facebook and Twitter. They responded eagerly with dozens of suggestions that make a big difference in their enjoyment of their sex lives, single or partnered.
How many of these have you tried? (Names used with permission.)
I’ve long been a fan of making sex dates in advance, including sex dates with ourself. Scheduling sex lets our brain – our most powerful sex organ! – start anticipating the sexual pleasure. This mental foreplay helps get our bodies ready for arousal. Plus, if you’re partnered, preparing the sex toys, lubricant, and other intimacy helpers in advance is a sexy signal that you’re looking forward to giving and receiving pleasure.
“Do I even need to say it? Spontaneous sex is overrated. Good sex usually requires planning. Don’t be afraid to discuss when the best time in your day would be.” (Paul Roberts, 62)
“Communicate that you are going to have sex some hours before or even a day in advance. Talk during dinner and kiss over the table. Warm each other’s feet under the table. Cuddle and take time to talk and look into the other’s eyes.” (Anonymous, 58)
“Teasing and sexting for a day or two before the planned encounter really adds to the experience. Add in a little kink and wonderful things happen.” (Carol Jacobs Norwood, 66)
“Make sure to leave time for afterglow.” (Cyrus Eaton Wind Dancer, 74)
I’m always expounding on the need to expand our notion of what good sex is. If creaky joints, sore body parts, and our medical issues prevent us from enjoying sex as it used to be, that doesn’t mean we give up – it means we explore alternatives. We’re limited by our aging bodies to some extent, yes. But we don’t have to be limited by our imagination!
For example, if you’re partnered, instead of trying to find the right activity and position that feels perfect to both of you, take turns during sex. Luxuriate in having your partner’s full attention on you, pleasuring you in the ways that turn you on the most. Then after you’re fully satisfied, turn your attention to your partner. Taking turns gives you double pleasure: yours and your partner’s.
“Look into the growing number of sex, intimacy and relationship podcasts and blogs. These sites offer perspective and means to enjoy sex at any age.” (Robert, 62)
“Don’t get hung up on the sex you used to have 20 or 30 years ago and think you’re ‘broken’ now because you no longer ‘perform’ that way. Go with the flow and revel in pleasure and intimacy that is more seasoned and creative.” (Kendra Holliday, 48, sex surrogate who has worked with countless older gentlemen who compare themselves to what they see in adult films)
“Be open to porn, and don’t be afraid to look at topics you think you wouldn’t be interested in. You may be pleasantly surprised.” (Joanne, 63)
“Sex does not have to involve your genitals.” (Linda Kirkman, 65)
“Singles: Try expanding your attraction template. You may be missing out on wonderful partners because the wish list of physical attributes you developed when you were 20 isn’t compatible with older bodies.” (Melanie Davis, 60)
“Dress up, ladies. Go commando under dresses and skirts, and let your lover know this. It will drive them wild.” (Barda Allen, 66)
“Things will go wrong as we age: body noises, leg cramps, untimely pain, surprise visitors. Communicate it, laugh about it. Your brain is your main sex organ, so keep it in shape, informed, and open. And remember the thrill of courtship and seduction.” (Robert, 62)
“Expand your idea of what sex is and where your body starts and stops. Imagine the Earth is your lover. Humans are part of the Earth. Check out ecosexuality for lots of sexy fun.” (Annie Sprinkle, 66, author of Assuming the Ecosexual Position)
Maybe you’ve enjoyed sex toys your whole adult life, or you recently discovered them, or you’re still contemplating your first one. Whatever your sex toy history, a well-chosen vibrator can give you faster, more intense, and more reliable orgasms. Try choosing a new toy, or using a favorite in a new way, or on another part of your body or another person’s! Many sex toys are more versatile than you know. (I review sex toys from a senior perspective on my blog. Keep scrolling to “Older Posts” because there are many!)
A good lubricant is a necessity as our vaginas don’t lubricate as well on their own, and it makes for more pleasure whatever genitals are in the mix. Good lube is essential for anal play, too. For use with a silicone sex toy, use water-based lube. With condoms, avoid oil-based lube.
“Don’t be afraid to buy and use good quality sex toys and furniture. Insertables, vibrators, sleeves, ramps, cushions, and swings can help to do things you thought were in the past and enjoy amazing new experiences as well. People with prostates, don’t be afraid to explore your butt; it can be a source of great pleasure once you awaken its potential!” (Hawthorn Stewart, 62)
“Sex toys are a marvelous addition to both solo and partnered sex. Several wonderful toys exist for penis owners, and many toys that are intended primarily for vulva owners produce exquisite sensations when used on a penis. A variety of interesting items for anal play also are on the market and worth exploring.” (Mac Marshall, 77)
“Add a variety of sex toys: dildos, G-spot stimulators, prostate stimulators, male masturbators, vibrating wands, beginner butt plugs. Use sex cushions like Liberator Wedge or Ramp to aid in sex positions.” (Marty Davis, 72)
“Look past the youthfulness of sex product advertisements. After opening my mind to “what if,” I searched the internet and found dozens of companies offering different sex-related products. By communicating my needs and limitations to them, I found enough willing to redirect me towards the right possibilities. Ask questions. Don’t settle for old standards. Pleasure is out there. And lube: there are dozens of types and brands, and you will want some!” (Robert, 62)