Vulva Owners’ Masturbation Myths, Tips & Black Friday Toy Deals

Masturbation: what a loaded concept, particularly for vulva-owning individuals. Personally I find it odd that women are socialized to be “people-pleasers”; but when it comes to pleasuring ourselves, it may not be as popular! How intriguing...

So before diving in, let’s start with debunking some popular masturbation myths...

Myth #1- Women Stop Masturbating Once They’re In A Relationship – Completely Untrue

According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine1, “For many women, masturbation does not represent "a partner substitute" to seek sexual pleasure, but rather is a stress coping and relaxation strategy.” In fact, having a sexual partner creates an ideal environment for mutual masturbation. Showing your partner exactly where and how you like it can be both an educational and erotic experience. What's more? Masturbation can actually improve your sex life...

Myth #2- It’s Unhealthy To Masturbate “too much” - Not Really

What is “too much” for one person is “not enough” for another. Superlatives rarely capture the nuances of any situation- sexual proclivities, included. There are actually numerous health benefits to masturbation (more on this later!) that may actually improve your overall well-being.

Myth #3- Masturbation Puts You At Risk For Infertility - False

Masturbation itself does not negatively affect fertility, so feel free to wank off to your hearts’ content. However, there are certain habits that may assist or inhibit your ability to get pregnant. For example: keeping your toys clean of bacteria to avoid contracting an STI that affects fertility is hugely important. No matter how dirty you get while doing the deed, you can still keep it clean.

Myth #4- All Masturbation Needs To Lead To Orgasm - Not Necessarily

First things first : NOT all masturbation needs to lead to orgasm. Masturbation should be regarded as a glorified spectrum of experiences and sensations to get to know your body, not a one-way-road-to-the-big’O’.

Introducing the clitoris: If you haven’t seen a picture of a clitoris before, no worries, my friend: it’s not altogether surprising. While medical professionals have known about the clitoris as a sexual organ for decades, it wasn’t fully mapped out anatomically until 1981 (for those of us mathematically impaired, that’s only 40 years- less than a lifetime ago!). While you may only be familiar with the head of the clitoris, the organ actually extends towards the inner wall of your vulva as well. So that “ever-elusive G-Spot '' isn't precisely a spot, per se: it’s the inner wall of the clitoris being stimulated in a way that’s just right.

Myth #5- The Biggest & Most Powerful Sex Organ? - Not What You Think!

There are other erogenous zones that can be passionately targeted during masturbation and foreplay- nipples, the buttox, and neck, to name a few. But: what if I were to tell you that that biggest and most powerful sex organ was actually... YOUR BRAIN.

Bizarre as it sounds, your brain is actually your biggest Sex Super-hero, not necessarily whatever hardware is down there. Do you find yourself daydreaming about your latest steamy encounter or fantasizing about a threesome with other people? These are untapped sexual potential of your brain. And- in this author’s humble opinion- one of the most underrated components of improving your sex life. Personally, sexual fantasies are my favorite mental playground. It’s important to become aware of how you think and fantasize about sex.

During sex and masturbation, your brain starts to release all sorts of “feel-good” chemical cocktails: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. They can make you feel energetic and excited when it’s released.

In short: masturbation can feel great physically, make us feel more connected, and help our minds relax. Win-win-WIN.

Tips & Toys For Vulva Owners’ Masturbation

If you’re not already locking your doors and putting up a “Do Not Disturb Sign” get ready to roll into Masturbation Station with some best tips and sex toys to help you in the bedroom, or living room, or wherever floats your boats...

Set the stage

Masturbation activates many of our senses inside and out, so creating an environment where you are relaxed and undisturbed can go a long way to having a positive experience. Light a scented candle, put on some sensual music, set some mood lighting. In short: Woo yourself- you deserve it.

Start slow & use lube

Masturbation is a highly personal experience, so it may take a while (or several sessions) to warm up and understand how your body reacts to certain stimuli. Location, temperature, pressure, and speed are all components to experiment with. I would also recommend getting a water-based lube to keep things smooth and comfortable.

As you’re exploring, keep in mind you might not react to stimuli the same way in back-to-back sessions. That’s why self-pleasuring is so great- you can have an immediate feedback loop of what feels good on any given day.