Using sex toys was once seen as a solo pleasure – and often a guilty one at that. But in recent years people have been waking up to the idea that sex toys might actually be an addition to couples’ sex lives, not a replacement for them.
PULSE DUO, for example, is a couples’ sex toy that leaves both partners’ hands free. They can focus on each other while letting the toy’s two independently-controlled motors provide pleasure for each of them. Just the way they like it. It can be used by straight and gay couples in this way, both as a prelude and an alternative to penetrative sex (we don’t call this ‘foreplay’, by the way, because there’s no such thing, what with penetration not being the be-all and end-all of sex in the 21st century).
There are also lots of other fantastic sex toys on the market that will enhance a couple’s sex life. Whether dedicated couples’ sex toys or just items that make couple sex, as well as solo sex, better. Cock rings, for example, that help maintain erection and can also provide clitoral stimulation.
So yeah, couples’ sex toys are great – they can enhance orgasm, they can give you sensations you’ve not experienced before, and they can provide extra stimulation for all sexual activities, and that’s nice. But we think those aren’t the most important reasons. So here are three unexpected reasons couples’ sex toys are essential:
Remember when we said about penetration not being the be-all and end-all of sex in the 21st century? Well, for people with limited mobility and/or erectile dysfunction, plus women with vaginismus, it often can’t be. It’s surprising, the huge range of disabilities and health conditions that can take penetrative sex off the menu – permanently for some people and temporarily for others. And yet so many people still believe that penetrative sex is the only proper kind of sex and everything else isn’t the real thing. We beg to differ.
PULSE can provide orgasm even to men who can’t get erections. It can be used from flaccid and bring erections to men who normally can’t produce them. Female partners with vaginismus can use PULSE DUO to receive stimulation without the focus needing to be on penetrative sex. While enjoying the face-to-face intimacy of the missionary position, both partners work their way towards orgasm without penetration.
One of the best things about bringing sex toys into the bedroom is that they can make you see your partner – and your relationship and even yourself – in a whole new light. Take the example of pegging, in which one partner (usually female) wears a dildo and penetrates the other (usually male) anally. This switching of traditional sexual roles for straight couples can be quite mind-blowing for both partners. As well as being very physically enjoyable. Increasingly, sex tech is paving the way for couples to explore each others’ bodies and minds in completely new ways – from teledildonics to virtual reality porn.
The only way to have a good sex life is to talk about it. Talk about what you like, what you don’t like, what you dream about, what you’re scared of, what you wish was possible. Introducing a sex toy will get all of those conversations going and more. From the first awkward suggestion that you’d like to try it, to the fun of trawling the internet for the weird and wonderful, to your unwrapping of your first toy together, to the initial test session. Even if, in the end, it gets thrown into a drawer and never used again (although we promise that won’t happen with PULSE!) you’ve started talking about what works for you and what doesn’t, and from there it can only get better.
When we launched our SexNotStigma campaign earlier this year and we did some research. We learned that three in four people feel uncomfortable talking to their partners about what they want in the bedroom. So we produced this video in the hope of starting an inclusive, honest conversation about what people want their sex lives to be like. One thing we learned during filming is that the more couples talk about sex, the more frisky they seem to get. Why not send your partner a link now? 😉