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BDSM Advice: What’s up with roleplay?



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Dear Zentai,

What’s up with role play? My partner’s imagining cheerleaders and schoolgirls and that REALLY doesn’t do it for me.

-Goth Grrl, Edinburgh, Scotland

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Hey Goth Grrl,

Light that sack of shit on fire and throw it out the window! Contrivance doesn’t feel sexy for anyone.

I blame mainstream porn for the cheesy, two-dimensional representation of role play. It can however be incredibly fulfilling to explore a form of roleplay that feels sexy and authentic to you.

Sit down with your partner, and perhaps a bottle of wine, and say, “I’m glad you’re communicating your fantasies with me. Cheerleaders and schoolgirls make me die on the inside, but I’d love to come up with some ideas that work for both of us.”

Enjoy biting and heavy neck sucking? Do a vampire scene. If you’re a vampire in training the premise could be, “Don’t suck like this. Suck like this . . .”

How about putting a necromancy spin on medical play? Pretend you’re a witch bringing your partner back from the dead.

Have fun. (As your maker, I command you.)

Taking oneself seriously is a death sentence when it comes to role play.

Most kinky folks I know aren’t satisfied with a roleplay scene until they’ve laughed, cried, and are covered in drool and at least one other bodily fluid.

Roleplay is whatever you make it! And you have the power to make it work for you.

Your friendly neighborhood pain slut,

-Zentai (they/them)

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