A Superhighway of Different Routes
The subhead above kind of gives away my thoughts on this: that there are near-infinite paths leading to realizing, “Oh, wow, I’m a submissive!”
Back to the Most Fascinating Man In The World . . . well, okay, maybe the Second, if I’m generous about it. What got me from here to there was primarily forged by my distinct fondness for strong-willed female-identified persons.
From my adoration of Emma Peel and Morticia Addams—I’m a child of the 60s after all—to three decades as a member of the Bay Area BDSM community, I finally came to grips with my submissiveness.
Your experiences will, of course, be your own—and more power to you! However, I have found that an exciting way to explore potential submissiveness is by playing a kind of word association game.
Take a moment to look at some BDSM toys . . .
Or, to be more precise, a toy association game. It goes like this: take a moment to look at some BDSM toys. It doesn’t matter which, though if bondage tickles your sexual fancy, I suggest gandering Padded Ankle Cuffs, Blindfolds, and for impact play things like these floggers.
. . . pay close attention to your immediate impressions.
The idea isn’t just to ogle these exciting kink playthings, however fun that might be, but to pay close attention to your immediate impressions. If, for instance, glimpsing a flogger flash-conjures fantasies of being on the receiving end.
It can also help to examine what kind of relationships appeal to you.
Do you find enjoyment in pleasing your partner or being told what to do? If so, then BDSM submission could be very well worth some exploring.
If this route isn’t to your liking, there are other great ideas for delving into your potential submissive self. My favorite this piece from SubmissiveGuide.
Strength in Submission
Regarding the sadly too-prevalent falsehoods about submission, the one that needs to be firmly and loudly dispelled is that submissives are in any way weak. For AMAB folks, this could equally lead to fears of somehow not being considered masculine.
Let me be very clear that this, again speaking from several decades of experience as an active member of the BDSM community, is pure, unadulterated bull.
In fact, it’s the complete opposite. This article from The Link, which interviews many submissive male-identified persons, does a great job showing that
submission requires a phenomenal amount of courage.
The realities of BDSM reflect this. One of the very first things anyone learns is that though dominants wield floggers, canes, or slap on the cuffs, everything is in service to the submissive’s pleasure.
There’s a partnership there, of course, as dominants should find pleasure in their role as well, but
one word, or even a gesture, from the submissive, and the scene should completely end.
Unfortunately, for many would-be submissives, that old misconception still lingers. This often leads to them being actively in denial of their sexual identity. Or sublimated as a form of passive-aggressive, people-pleasing behavior: like being submissive in everything but name.
I know this very well, as it reflects my struggle. But I can say, backed up by my one and others’ experiences, that
if you accept who you are in regards to BDSM play your life will be all the better for it.