You can barely move for foreplay tips on the internet: advice on how to get things started, tips for turning your partner on via sexting and dirty talk, all that stuff. And even though ‘foreplay’ is a bit of a misnomer, it’s nice to get some ideas on how to imaginatively get the ball rolling in the bedroom. But what about afterplay?
Sexual intimacy doesn’t just begin when you take your clothes off and end when you put them back on, sometimes what you do in the minutes and hours after sex can be just as important to help you relax, improve your sexual communication, or just bring you a little closer in the intimate afterglow.
Here are some of our top afterplay activities – with thanks to the fab folks on twitter who chipped in with suggestions!
Compliment what went well!
You don’t need to have a flip-chart ready beside the bed for notes on how the sex went, but discussing it right after you’ve done it can be a great way to give your partner a confidence boost, and it can help to get you both into the habit of communicating your needs and desires.
Avoid “how was that?” and “did you come?” – unless you know your partner’s up for answering such direct enquiries. Questions like that can put someone on the spot and lead to a lot of awkwardness. Instead try to initiate conversation by complimenting something in particular your partner did. “I loved how you looked when you were on top!” or “That thing you did with your tongue was amazing!” Going over what worked well can give you something to think about for next time, and a warm fuzzy feeling in the meantime as your partner is inspired to respond with compliments of their own.
Check in on each other
The idea of ‘afterplay’ is a slight extension of a concept that already exists within BDSM: aftercare. Many people in power-exchange relationships like to have a pre-agreed routine for ‘coming down’ after the endorphin rush of BDSM. This might involve cuddles, cups of tea, listening to chilled out music, or just checking in with each other to make sure that you’re both happy and calm after the scene.
Grab something to eat
One of the most popular suggestions from Twitter, and understandably so. Whether it’s a morning fry up or a trip to the chippie after an evening shag, food after sex is a popular option. And not just because it can replenish all the calories you’ve just burnt off with your energetic loving – sharing food is an intimate thing in and of itself. Afterplay can come in the form of scones, crisps, biscuits, or anything really, but for bonus intimacy points we recommend good ‘sharing’ type foods that let you both dig in to the same plate.
Maybe avoid eating in bed if it’s messy, though.
Take a shower together
They’re not just for foreplay: showering together after sex can be a lovely way to enjoy each other’s nakedness without any of the pre-sex pressure or urgency. It’s also a nice way to show care for each other – maybe by offering to wash someone’s hair or back.
It’s not just ‘Netflix and Chill’ – a few people on our twitter feed pointed out that if the chill comes first, the Netflix can come after! Rounding off your sexytime with the next episode (or six) in a decent box set is a popular afterplay choice. We hear there’s a new series of Orange is the New Black…
The classic. If you’re not a high-fiving kind of person feel free to replace with the fistbump, the back slap, or even a cheeky victory dance in your birthday suit.
Massage and other touching
Pre-shag erotic massage is so popular that you can even buy special massage oil candles from sex shops. But massage can be equally pleasurable as a way to wind down after you’ve orgasmed: asking your partner to give you a gentle massage while your body’s still tingling from the sex can be a great way to wind down. Just make sure you take it in turns so no one feels left out!
Argue over who cleans the sex toys
You know someone has to clean the sex toys, even though no one really wants to jump out of bed when their knees are still wobbly to go and sort out the post-shag cleanup. If you’ve got our sex toys – whether it’s PULSE III, the Queen Bee, Atom or Pocket Pulse – you’ll know that they’re waterproof which makes them really easy to clean. But you still won’t be itching to volunteer. May we suggest tossing a coin? Or taking a shower together, as recommended above, and sharing the load by cleaning your toys together.
We’ve left this one for last because it can be slipped into your afterplay after any of the activities above. Plenty of people suggested napping as the best afterplay activity, and we have to agree: it’s a pretty neat way to round off your evening/afternoon/morning/week-long orgy.
Aftercare – what’s your favourite thing to do after sex?
Are there any top afterplay activities we’ve missed? Naturally food and sleep were two of the most popular recommendations, but if there are gaping holes in our aftercare advice please do add your suggestions in the comments below, or send them to us @HotOctopuss on Twitter.
And if none of the afterplay suggestions take your fancy, there’s always the option of diving back into bed and getting started on round two…