Orgasms from oral or manual stimulation can make subsequent penetration with a penis or larger toy more comfortable. Let’s say that again, foreplay is just as important as penetration! Manual stimulation with hands or a versatile finger vibrator can make it easier to get in the orgasmic headspace.
And orgasms don’t have to come at the end of a play session! Ian Kerner states in She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, “the average man can maintain genital thrusting for two and a half minutes before ejaculation, but the average woman requires fifteen to eighteen minutes of persistent clitoral stimulation to have her first orgasm.”
Only 18% of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone and 36% need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Que the Orgasm Gap. The orgasm gap refers to the fact that, in heterosexual relationships, men reach climax at much higher rates than women.
The top findings from a National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior study show that men are more likely to orgasm than women. Ninety-one percent of men said they climaxed during their last sexual encounter, compared with 64 percent of women. That’s a big ol’ gap that needs filling, ladies and gentlemen!
Many folks find that power exchanges like Dominance/submission or role play are helpful in producing more powerful orgasms. There’s a rush in being tied up and not being able to control where your partner will touch you next. Roleplay and sensory deprivation can also help one get out of their normal, everyday mind. Covering your eyes can help to put focus and illuminate all other senses.
Edging – the technique of bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm and then slowly backing down. It’s a great way to enhance your O-face! Doing this two or more times in a row makes your orgasm more powerful . . . once you let yourself get there.
More than 20% of AFAB folks have painful orgasms. This is a condition called dysorgasmia: a pain in the abdomen or pelvic area during or immediately after you reach orgasm. Not to be confused with pain during penetrative sex (dyspareunia); dysorgasmia is pain that is only felt at the point of orgasm, whether clitoral or otherwise.
Unfortunately, there have been very few conductive studies done on this condition. Still, some have said it’s a side effect of uterine or bladder disorders, pelvic inflammatory disease, endometriosis, or even certain contraceptives. It is important to seek help from your doctor or physician if you are experiencing any symptoms.
In a BUJI study about female orgasms and ejaculation, they found that 90% of partners of women who ejaculate during sex, regarded it as an enhancement to their relationship. They also found that women who ejaculate are more likely to experience multiple orgasms and orgasms of longer duration than women who have not yet learned how to ejaculate.
Mainstream porn represents female ejaculation as more of a dramatic spray or sprinkler-like act, but in reality, female ejaculation can be more of a trickle or gush of fluid. All vulva-owning humans are capable of ejaculation, it’s just a matter of taking things into your own hands (or vibrators) and finding out how.
What’s the common theme?
All in all, communication plays a big role in most of the aforementioned orgasm facts. The more women know about their bodies, the more likely they are to communicate about what they want. Communicating about your sex life does not have to happen in the bedroom.
In fact, it’s actually better to have talks about your sex life when you’re in a more clothed, less vulnerable space, so you have time to process and engage in a dialogue before your next session. Whether it’s talking about desires, preferences, scenes, or problems, communication is sexy and can ultimately lead to more of the type of sexy time that you want.
Once you’re comfortable with your sexual preferences and you find a partner who is on the same page as you in regards to play (fore, role, puppy, you name it!), the more likely orgasms are to occur.