If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we should take nothing for granted. Our family, our friends . . .
. . . our sex life.
When Covid struck and lockdown clamped its steely jaws down on our freedom, suddenly there were no social events to bump into the ever-elusive ‘The One’ . . . not even the one for the night! Couples were forced together. Couples were forced apart . . . then sex became sort of illegal, so there was that. We took to the Tinders’, Hinges’ and the Plenty of Fishes’, first dates were reduced to Zoom meetings and getting lucky boiled down to flashing a tit and shaking a dique you couldn’t be within 2 metres of. This is not to say that that’s necessarily a bad thing. I, for one, flashed plenty of tit and other bits on Zoom . . . I even did a show about it for Channel 4.
As we storm 2021 with our hopes of good health, the clink of bottomless prosecco brunch flutes, wearing our frivolous pandemic purchases in public and not just for Insta, (for the love of God) a beach and an orgasm induced by another human being, I would like to share with you my New Years resolution.
I resolve to be an even bigger heaux than I was in 2020.
(and I did some freaky ass shit in 2020, let me tell you!😉)
Yes, that is really my resolution. I must say, it’s my favourite one to date and it has the bonus of being one that I won’t break.
Now I must tell you why, because one cannot make such a declaration and not explain it.
Being a heaux changed my life for the better. It is the thing that allowed me to change the lives of thousands of people around the world for the better through my work. Being a heaux gave us the power to put our pleasure first, to discover new and exciting (and deliciously scandalous) things about our sexuality, to view ourselves as desirable even if we don’t tick some boxes – bitch, we BECAME the box!
Sexual empowerment is a roller coaster of a journey and it’s worth every twist and turn of questioning cultural and societal norms, unlearning them and embracing new, unproblematic truths, so this is what we are doing more of this new year, in the name of heauxdom!
Want to get in on the 2021 Manifest-heaux? Here’s how.
1. Self-care every day
Lockdown #1 gave me a bit of a mental breakdown and forced me into taking the time out to really look after myself and my days have been that much easier since. Taking care of yourself improves your mental health and overall confidence. These things affect your sexual appetite, so indulge, darling! From a solo afternoon delight to a Korean sheet mask and a glass of wine, each day make sure you carve out at least an hour to give back to yourself and your body. You deserve it!
2. Explore different types of pornography . . .
. . . especially if mainstream tube porn is not your thing. Browse some new categories, read erotica (I have penned some literary award winners if you’re interested), listen to audio porn, watch a steamy movie/show, get into the wonders of feminist porn . . . or give it a bit of D.I.Y. Yes, make your own porn. Film yourself and watch it back (it may be the sexual confidence booster you’ve been looking for). This leads me to my next point . . .
3. Be naked more often
Get used to seeing your body in its natural state, not just when you’re in the shower, but when you’re watching a bit of telly, working from home (not during a Zoom meeting) . . . making another banana bread recipe. Doing this helps you to build your body-ody-ody confidence because it familiarises you with your body. So many of us don’t actually take the time to REALLY look at our bodies. While you’re at it, ladies, make sure you get a good look at your pussoir. It’s part of your body, get familiar with it. If getting straight into the nude is too big of a step right now, try some lingerie (mxn you too). You will feel like a sex gawd!
4. Don’t yuck someone else’s yum.
This may take a bit of practice because some things can get kneejerk reactions, but it’s good for you and those who share that part of their life with you. You stop being a judgey little shit, for one (no one likes a judgey little shit). When you judge other people less, you naturally extend the same grace to yourself, which is a mood and can help you explore more of your desires . . . plus, you don’t end up making someone else feel rubbish. Whether it’s casual sex, kinks or sexuality (ESPECIALLY if it’s sexuality), keep it cute, bitch and remember to mind the business that pays you.
5. Closed mouths don’t get fed – speak up!
Whether it’s demanding what you want in the bedroom or from a relationship in general, you deserve the life you desire from both your luvah(s) and yourself. If you don’t like something, say it. Absolutely adore something and you want more of it? Say it. Something makes you uncomfortable, giddy, frustrated? Or makes you climax? SAY IT!
6. Bonus point – SEX TOYS!
It’s me, the Sexfluencer. You knew it was coming. If you really wanna know what kind of orgasms you body is capable of, get into sex toys. Experiment with different types, even the ones that scare you (in your own time of course), by yourself or with a partner (I have a video telling you everything you need to know about sex toys if you’re interested). Life is a luxury charcuterie board of sensual delights just laid out eagerly waiting for you to taste (I just made that really sexual and I’m into it) and henny, it is delicious!
So, here’s to a new year full of new experiences, new blessings, new lessons and new self-discoveries . . . even if most of it is within the four walls of our homes for now. Let’s make 2021 the year 2020 wishes she was.
*Raises bottomless brunch prosecco flute* To more orgasms, sex toys, self-discovery and naked banana bread baking.
Shakira ‘Scotty Unfamous’ Scott is an inappropriately fancy, London-based sexual wellness content creator, multi award-winning erotic romance author, co-founder of the sexual happiness experts MSSS and #DumpHim queen!
She started her blog to help women of colour explore and remove the stigma around their sexuality, educate them in the art of sensuality and promote and inspire self-love and body confidence. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.